July, 2006

Rand’s Progress


July 1, 2006
Day 153

Rand was very quiet today, seemed tired and not interested in much. I am very tired too. Maybe it is the letdown after the high of yesterday. He had a couple of visitors today and was ready to lie down and snooze by 3:30. He was happy to stretch out in bed and just fine with my leaving about 4:00.

Today he had his first "real" food in over a month. He was served a regular meal, not mechanical soft/minced. He ate almost 100% of his lunch but coughed when eating the meat. It was roast beef which the RN cut up for him and the speech therapist said was a bit tough. He had a hard time with it. They will keep giving him a regular diet to see how it goes. I hope he doesn't have to go back to the soft version. It is so unappetizing and he eats more when the food is recognizable!

Captain America agreed that I should do some decorating of his room for the 4th of July, so I'm gathering some stuff that will be festive yet easy to dispose of by next Thursday. I'm trying to take things out of his room little by little so I have room for him in the car next Friday! We are crossing off the days on the calendar, even though Rand doesn't remember that he is leaving from one day to the next and doesn't pay attention to the calendar. I'm glad that all these changes in his meds, food and routines are occurring now while he still has a week to go in the hospital. They are finally watching him closely at times and I appreciate that.

Keep Rand close to your hearts. It would be so nice to see him smiling and chipper tomorrow.

Love,
Connie

July 2, 2006
Day 154

Yesterday I misnumbered the epistle - now I'm back on track. Sorry about that.

Last night I took the advice of several of you, the materials sent by a good friend, and started putting this e-journal into the first of several binders. All I did was spell check each month and then print out the pages, insert them into sheet protectors and then into the first binder. Just in case the hard drive crashes and/or the technology changes, I want to have a hard copy of these epistles. If this journey will help someone, sometime, that would be nice. Mostly, it helps me keep myself sane and to keep things in perspective. To avoid total plagiarism, I have given the collection the working title, "A Diary of Ambivalent Loss."

This morning I went to church with a friend for their Independence Day celebration. Wonderful music, pageantry, patriotic songs, readings from the great documents on which this country is founded. Rand would have loved it. I had a very hard time with my emotions - I could hear Rand's baritone singing "Battle Hymn of the Republic," the national anthem, along with my Dad's bass voice. When "Amazing Grace" started, I had to leave. My grief and tears are still 1/16 of an inch below the surface and it doesn't take much to open this wound. I thought I was further along than that. I guess not.

After a nice lunch with my friend, I spent the afternoon with Rand. He was in bed when I got there. It turns out that he had decided to transfer himself from the wheelchair to the bed by himself and by dumb luck, was caught by aides as he started to fall between the wheelchair and the bed. Ohmigod - what if he had broken his arm or leg? Split open his head? I can't even bear the thought. I talked to him sternly, compassionately, passionately, pleadingly, never, ever, ever to try that again. I know that the message is futile, but I couldn't help it. It scared me to death. All afternoon he was so depressed - crying, sobbing. I couldn't console him, divert his attention, interest him in anything. After trying everything I could think of, he barked at me and basically told me to leave him alone. Then he sobbed even harder. Sometimes he put his arm around me, held on tight and cried and cried, the entire time saying, "I don't know. I just don't know." I believe him but I don't know what to do either. I left a note for the doctor to meet with me tomorrow - this can't go on. I don't know if it is the change in antidepressants, the effects of the stroke, all of the above - what. Last week the doctor said that it might be "situational depression" and I agreed. But today, I'm convinced that he would have been in this state no matter where he was - at home, in Rand's Room, in the hospital, on a cruise, whatever. The nurse told me that the new antidepressant could take 2-4 weeks to take effect. Neither of us can tolerate that.

Oh, dear friends. I just don't know. I can't help, I can't fix it. I want Rand to be at peace. I want him to be content, not afraid, not scared, not worried, not sad. I want to be at peace, too, not afraid for his physical and emotional safety. I want to go to sleep knowing that he is content, that I've done everything possible to make his life as comfortable and good as it can be. I want to feel that I am confronting this nightmare with him and that together, we will be OK. It has been five months of wild highs and lows, five weeks of great depression, how much more is there until our lives settle down? I'm not being unrealistic and thinking that Rand will be the same again, that he will come home, that we will ever live together again. But, there has to be a stabilizing line somewhere, where Rand and I can enjoy the time we have left, share laughs, be quiet together, be apart, together and most of all be at peace.

After reading this again, I think I should put it in the trash and start over. But, I'm not going to do that. Keep us both close to your hearts and in your prayers. We are very vulnerable tonight.

Love,
Connie

July 3, 2006
Day 155

"And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."
From the poem, Desiderata

A friend sent that quote to me. I appreciate being reminded that there is a big picture and that this too shall pass. Billions of people are in much worse conditions than us and I'm doing a lousy job of keeping things in perspective. I am reminded that there will be a silver lining in this situation, too. Patience is not my long suit and, man, is it being tested! Thank you to each of you who emailed me to buoy my spirits today. Your thoughts and perspectives helped immensely.

Rand was better today. I met with the doctor this afternoon and she was also concerned as he was crying all morning. She feels that it is an imbalance of meds, so she made some changes and said we should have a pretty good handle on Rand's emotional state by Wednesday. She doesn't want him to leave Skyline until he is stable and that might mean that he stays for another day or two. I totally agree. I don't want Rand going through ordeal after ordeal to get the meds correct once he moves back to his room. I want him stabilized before he leaves.

Friends came to visit this afternoon and Rand was quiet. He didn't cry while I was there and by later this afternoon he perked up. He beat the pants off me in Blackjack and told me that he won $10! He moaned and groaned at bad hands, smiled and enjoyed the good ones. He was OK when I left and the second dose of antidepressant was to be delivered at 5:00. I hope that the progress continues. I emphasized that I DO NOT want Rand heavily medicated. I just want him to be content, to be at peace and able to enjoy life.

A friend came over this morning and helped me clean out cupboards in the garage, rearrange and sort out some travel items, tools, Christmas decorations and to haul more of our Christmas stuff out of our neighbor's rafters and into our garage. Great job done! Our neighbor is moving, and that stuff had to be out of her garage before the house is sold. I really appreciated that help.

The front yard is decorated just like Randbo decorated every 4th of July. There are flags lining the perimeter of the lawn, bunting on the gate, the 4th of July flag is flying from the flagpole and the projector is projecting the flag and "Happy 4th" slide onto our garage door! I put up some decorations in his room and will bring balloons and another flag to him tomorrow.

Keep Rand close to your hearts. He needs so much support and love.

Love,
Connie


July 4, 2006
Day 156

Rand was teary today, rather quiet and solemn. He had visitors this morning and afternoon and wanted to take a nap when I left. I'm anxious to talk to the doctor tomorrow and see what she thinks. His depression has lifted a bit, and the crying is less but he is still so miserable. I brought him a bouquet of patriotic balloons today but he wasn't interested. Flags, rah-rah music, and a pinwheel - nothing diverted his attention.

I feel a "crash and burn" day coming on. I have been so tired the last several days - I fell asleep driving home yesterday and woke up half way across the traffic lanes (surface street, not freeway!). Yikes! I think the craziness of the last month is finally catching up with me. One of these days I might just stay home, sleep, read and do nothing constructive. I think my bod and brain need that.

I bought a book. That simple act is a vote of confidence in me from me. For the umpteenth time, I am vowing to start being rather normal again. The book is a trashy novel by an author that I enjoy - it will be funny and diverting. I plan to sit down, relax and read it. I also put in a Netflix order for some funny, brainless movies that I plan to sit down, relax and watch. It is time for me to do these things. I have a pile of unread books that Rand bought for me and friends gave me but this time I bought a book just for me. I think I can do this. I have to do this. Running away once in awhile is not always possible so I have to figure out a way to take care of myself at home, without Rand, without the all-consuming distraction of his precarious situation, without thinking about the gazillion projects that need to be done around here. I have to find a way to give myself the gift of time, of calm, of relaxation and be OK with it. Yesterday, when I asked the doctor what I could do to help Rand, she said, "Calm down. Just calm down." I need to do that. And relax, relax, relax.

Thanks for listening once again, good friends.

Keep Rand close.

Love,
Connie

July 5, 2006
Day 157

"When you're going through hell, just keep going."
Winston Churchill.

A friend sent me that quote - Winston knew what he was talking about!

Rand was quiet again today, there was a little crying but nothing like in the past. He was tired and lethargic. He did perk up when we played Blackjack and now I owe him $21!! He gets all the good cards!

There is now some question whether he will return to Rand's Room on Friday as scheduled or not. He is not eating and has developed an intestinal problem again. They don't think it is the return of the infection, but they sent in a test anyway. The results will probably be known Friday and he may or may not be discharged as a result. I don't want him going "home" before he has a clean bill of health, but, by golly, enough is enough!

We went for a walk today for the first time in a long time. Rand enjoyed being outside, the breeze, change of scenery, everything. It is wonderful to watch and listen to him soak up the sounds, sights, fresh air, of these outings. He appreciates everything so much. He is like a sponge and can't get enough. His voice has become weaker and weaker so I have a hard time hearing him from the back of the wheelchair. He now makes a waving motion with his hand when he wants to stop and savor the air and sights around him.

I got several royal chewing outs/scolding on email today about being over tired. Thank you! It gave me permission to sleep and sleep and sleep, to relax, do nothing and be lazy. I loved it and needed it more that I thought. I plan to do more of the same tomorrow. Then I should be good to go again.

Keep Rand close to your hearts. He needs so much support, encouragement and love.

Love,
Connie
July 6, 2006
Day 158

Today Rand was quiet, subdued, and rather lethargic. He refused to cooperate with the therapists, so had little therapy. He is having a reoccurrence of the colon problems, which makes him uncomfortable, nauseated, weak and disinterested. When I arrived today, I asked him what he wanted to do. He said, "I want packing." I had told him that I would bring in a suitcase today and we would start packing his things in preparation for his move tomorrow. He was so upset and tearful when I had to tell him that he would not be going "home" tomorrow - maybe Monday. I felt awful too, as I had made a big deal of crossing off the days to his getting out of there. The reason for the delay is a battery of tests that have to be conducted to make sure that the infection has not returned and that he is not contagious. Those tests take 24-48 hours to be completed. The first test results should be in tonight and I'm waiting for a call. The remaining results will come in over the weekend. The doctors don't think he has an infection because he doesn't have a temp, but they have to be sure. Heaven forbid that he does have the infection again; he could be in Skyline for another two weeks or more. Rand has endured more set backs than any person should have to deal with - he does not need one more. Keep good, positive thoughts for negative test results and a one-way trip to Rand's Room on Monday.

I took the last of the activity packets back to Rand's Room yesterday, so when you visit, don't look for them. I now owe Rand $21 in Blackjack winnings! Uff da. Today's results were a push. We played Tic Tac Toe today and agreed that it was tooooooooooooooooo boring! A friend visited Rand this afternoon and I hear that a Checkers Challenge is on the horizon. I can't afford to play too many more games with him or I will be broke! I wonder how he'd feel about Old Maid or Go Fish. I used to be pretty good at those. Uff da.

Keep Rand close. He is feeling lousy, physically and emotionally. I hope that all news is good news for the future.

Love,
Connie

Day 158, part 2

About 10:30 last night I got the call from Skyline saying that Rand's test came back positive. DAMN! He is back on antibiotics for the next 10-14 days. I don't know how to tell him that he has to stay there for another two weeks or so. DAMN! He will be so upset, depressed and miserable. DAMN!! I have a bunch of phone calls to make before I go to see him - maybe there is something that I don't know about this situation. HOPE!
Connie
July 7, 2006
Day 159

Rand had a hard time accepting the results of the test and the fact that his discharge date is now unknown. We had a long talk about the ups and downs of the last five months and the fact that this is a minor set back, not major like a collapsed lung, pneumonia, and some of the other things that have happened. Finally, he said, "I want words." Oh, how I want him to have words. Both of us want that desperately! I explained that all of his words, all of his memories, all of his knowledge are still there, it is just that part of his brain that won't let them come together in a way that makes sense. His brain won't send the right messages to his tongue, mouth, lips, to form the right words. His brain isn't sending the right signals to his right leg to let him walk, but it is getting better and better. His right leg is starting to work - it is telling his brain, "Screw you! I can do this in spite of you!!" and it is. That's what therapy is all about. I think he understood.

I don't know where my brain is. Everyday I forget something at home: call forwarding to my cell phone, paperwork, clean clothes, water, special treats, you-name-it. I make lists and forget the lists, I label things with post-it notes and forget to look at them. Today I forgot his clean clothes and discovered that he didn't have any pants left. So tonight I went back with a ton of shirts, pants and socks. Rand was so surprised to see me and cried a lot. He was in so much pain - his right arm was shaking like a leaf. He hurt all over, his muscles were screaming. I found the nurse and gave him two Tylenol with codeine. I hope that helped. He was so miserable.

For those of you who were going to work with Rand on activity packets, forget it. Just come to visit. He needs company and diversion more than anything. He needs visitors, attention, fresh faces, new conversation, hugs, laughs and friendship. He appreciates everything and everyone. The visit doesn't have to be long, 15 or 20 minutes is great. Please call or email me when you would like to stop by. My home phone is connected to my cell phone so I don't miss any calls (268-0374 or 460-0098). Even the day of a spontaneous visit is fine. Rand will love it.

Keep Rand close. This miserable state has to end soon and brighter days must be ahead.

Love,
Connie




July 8, 2006
Day 160

Rome wasn't built in a day - but part of it was.
quote sent by Jerome, Rand's brother

After all the pain killers of last night, Rand was in such pain this morning that the nurse gave him Percocet and he fell asleep. At 1:00 when I arrived, he was again in enough pain to warrant two more Tylenol with codeine. I ordered two more for him this evening. His pain is all over his body, but especially in his legs and right arm/shoulder. He agreed when I described the pain as "every muscle screaming and trying to straighten itself out." He also agreed with the statement that it is like "his whole body is having a huge charlie-horse," over and over. His deep depression seems to be under control, but he is also tired and lethargic, probably due to the infection. Man, there has to be a happy medium somewhere.

Rand had lots of visitors this afternoon, from near and far. He enjoyed seeing everyone and was as attentive as he could be. He also had fresh tomatoes from our garden and fresh cookies from a great bakery, which he enjoyed. After three hours of company, I think he was also glad to see us all leave! He didn't want to return to his room, preferring to stay in the main living room after I left.

I have left a request with the doctor to talk to me about other antibiotics that he could take to kill off this infection. He is on the same one as before and that obviously didn't work. I won't hear anything until Monday. If the meds run their course and all is well, I hope that he will be on his way "home" next weekend. Keep your fingers crossed!

There was finally some good news today. The same wonderful lady who found Rand's Room for us has also found an experienced CNA who is trained in PT/OT to work with Rand on the days that therapists are not with him. The CNA will take his orders and training from the PT and OT who come to work with Rand each week and then will carry out the skill reinforcement with Rand on the other days. WHEW! What a relief it is to find someone of his background and training who is willing to come in for a few hours a week. It is rare in this area to come across a person like that. He is insured, is reasonable, reliable, experienced, trustworthy, brave, clean and reverent! I'm happy! I have been running up against a brick wall trying to find someone, and he was dropped in our laps today. Rand was not thrilled when I told him about his increased therapy opportunity!

Keep Rand close to your hearts, in your thoughts and prayers. He is being very brave, strong and resilient, in spite of the pain and sadness.

Love,
Connie

July 9, 2006
Day 161

Rand's "adopted little sister," Solveig and her husband Bill were here today. We had brunch at our house first and then went to see Rand. During brunch, everything was fine until it was time for dessert. What a miserable disaster! I'm still so embarrassed. It was supposed to be a meringue crust with a lemon custard on top, then covered with strawberries in whipped cream. It sure sounded good. It was the biggest disaster, the world's most ugly, unappealing pie you have ever seen! Uff da! I couldn't get it out of the pan, even with Bill holding on to the pie dish. The meringue was like glue mixed with cardboard, the lemon filling was terrible and don't even ask about the berry filling - it was soup. How awful!! The whole thing was glued into the pie dish so hard that I just had to soak it for hours while we were gone, to get the stuff out of the pan. YUCK! If you are ever tempted to make one of these - DON'T, or at least call me first! Better yet, does anyone know what I did wrong? I don't want to end up in this situation again. I put a big red X across that recipe!

Rand was in pain and a little teary when we arrived today. He finally agreed to a Percocet and over time, it worked well and Rand was better. With Bill's help, we got Rand standing at the balcony railing in front of Skyline and he stood there for a good five minutes, enjoying the view. He was OK when we had to leave.

It was too hot (close to 100) to go for a walk today as planned. Maybe next time. It is supposed to start cooling down tomorrow.

Wednesday morning I have a meeting with the CNA who will be working with Rand. I'm anxious to meet him and even more anxious for Rand to get "home" so that whole thing can begin.

The second test for the infection was taken today and the nurse said that it looked like a textbook case for continued antibiotics. DAMN!

Keep Rand close. He is being so patient and trying so hard to get "home."

Love,
Connie

July 10, 2006
Day 162

Today I got a call saying that Rand will have to remain at Skyline Healthcare Center for another two weeks. What a bummer. The tests remain positive for the infection and the doctor has ordered two more weeks of antibiotics trying to kill it. I don't plan to tell him this time. We'll just deal with it one day at a time.

Rand was much better today and did well in therapy. The therapist said that last Friday he was in so much pain that he couldn't even stand up. Today he walked 25 feet twice - the last time when a friend and I were there. He's looking good! The therapist expects him to be back where he was in another day or two. Whoopie!

Rand was smiling today, talked more than in the last week, was alert and had good color. Something good is going on! Once again, he wanted me to leave him in the main living room, in front of the big screen TV, when I left. When he is down, he wants to be left alone in his room with the TV off, no magazines, etc. Progress!! I'm thrilled.

Tomorrow our friends from Owatonna, MN, arrive. We're anxious to see them again. Their visit will be good for both of us.

Keep Rand close. His positive attitude is so important.

Love,
Connie

July 11, 2006
Day 163

What a happy day we had! Rand was smiling. joking, talking quite well and he was very happy! It must be that the antibiotics are finally making a dent in the infection and he is starting to feel good again. WHEEEEEEE!

Our friends from Minnesota will be walking in the door any minute. Rand and I are so anxious to see them again.

Randbo is on the mend. Keep him close and your fingers crossed!

Love,
Connie

July 12, 2006
Day 164

Whatever you have in your hand right now - OJ, coffee, water, stronger stuff, raise it in a cheer 'cuz Randbo is heading "home!!!!" Both of his tests came back negative today!!! WHOOOOOOOPIE! He's outa there! We don't know the day yet, but I bet it will be this weekend. He has five more days of antibiotics, but he can take those in Rand's Room just as well as at Skyline! I meet with the doctors tomorrow and will get the final discharge orders. I talked with the Dr/RN at his home and they are ready with open arms anytime. I am soooooooooo happy! I have the Randbo/Rainbow banner from the Fisher Middle School staff out and ready to hang on the garage door. I have the "Welcome Home" balloons picked out and ready to be picked up any time. This time has to be the real time. No more delays, no more disappointments.

Rand was quiet today and not as perky as yesterday. He took the news in stride, possibly remembering the gigantic let down of a week ago. Maybe he'll believe it when he sees it.

Our friends from MN are here and we spent the afternoon with Rand. This is the first time they have seen him since last November. They were impressed and said that no matter how descriptive these epistles are, there is nothing like seeing Rand in person. The pictures below were taken this afternoon on the balcony outside the front door of Skyline. We took Rand on a walk around the block and enjoyed the beautiful weather. Rand ate fresh cherries and papaya with relish. More fresh cherries will be consumed tomorrow.

Joanne and Willie are off to explore Highway 1 tomorrow and will be gone all day. That is a good time for me to start packing up some of Rand's things and begin the move "home." We have had Rand's Room for 90 days now but he has spent just about 20 days there. I hope that this is the beginning of a long, long stay with no interruptions, no more emergencies, no sickness - just a peaceful, quiet, contented time filled with THERAPY!! ( I won't let go of that bone - Rand has come so far again and I will not allow him to go backwards again.)

Joanne, Rand and Willie on the balcony by the front door of Skyline

Rand and Willie

Keep Rand close to your hearts. He has had such a horrendous five months and some respite is on the horizon. We both need it. Thank you for all of your support and for hanging in there with us. We have the best friends in the world!! Stay tuned for the next exciting developments!

Love,
Connie



July 13, 2006
Day 165

Today is the REAL Day 165 - not yesterday.

Rand has been in either acute or sub-acute care for 41 consecutive days this time. He wants out in the worst way. I want him out in the worst way. And tomorrow morning he will be out and "home" on Antigua Drive!!! Yipeeeeeeee! He will be home in time to have real food for lunch. Today I took the suitcase to Skyline and he started crying when I walked in with it. He cried a lot at first and I am still not sure why. He said he was sad to leave, he said he remembers/knows his room to which he will return and is looking forward to the peace and quiet, the familiar things but he was still sad and tearful. I bought a box of See's candy, wrapped it and wrote a note to the staffs at his nurses' stations and Rand presented it to them as a thank you. They are sad to see him leave as he is a favorite of theirs.

I packed up everything from his Skyline room and unpacked it in Rand's Room this afternoon. The staff cleaned his room from stem to stern and everything shines like a new penny. The rose trees outside Rand's window that I adopted are doing very well. Today I fertilized, sprayed and watered them again. They are looking good but need some pruning.

I took the "Welcome Home" banner that was made for him by the Fisher School group to Rand's Room and will tape it to the garage door in the morning before I leave to bring him "home." We also have our MN friends here to help with the move which is wonderful! It sounds like therapy is ready to roll and I have the CVN waiting in the wings ready to start work with Rand next week. Life is good. I so hope that Rand will be happy. He needs peace, solace, healing and comfort in quiet, familiar surroundings.

Randbo will land at the rainbow banner about 11:00 a.m. tomorrow. Think of him then. Keep him close to your hearts and plan a visit with him soon.

Love,
Connie

July 14, 2006
Day 166

This was a WHOOPIE day if there ever was one! Randbo landed on schedule. The staff cleaned his room again this morning for the second day in a row! They also brought in a big bouquet of helium balloons welcoming him home. He had a lunch of fresh, recognizable food, then was transferred to his blue chair for a nap. While he relaxed, I took our MN friends to Santana Row for a stroll and lunch, then to downtown SJ for a short tour of the art museum, park, etc. We went back to see Rand later in the afternoon and took him for a brief walk. He wasn't interested in going far from his room.

Rand was teary off and on all morning. I was hoping that he would react so positively to leaving and returning to his room, but it didn't happen. Once again, I am projecting my feelings and emotions on him and that is not fair. Maybe in a few days I will see a positive change in his attitude and reaction to being "home." Our friends agreed that they didn't think it mattered where he was - Rand's Room or our house, his mostly non-reaction would have been the same.

The banner on the garage door from Fisher friends had a big impact. He was overwhelmed by it. They made it in February but he had not seen it before and spent lots of time looking at it. See the pictures below.

I am so relieved that he is home, safe and sound. I am so grateful for the incredible owners and staff of Rand's Room - they are one special group of people. The staff at Skyline also took good care of Rand, but it took some battling to even the playing field at first. Today as I finished signing all the papers for Rand's release, the social worker came up to me, gave me a big hug and said, "You are one tough advocate, but the best one we've ever seen." I felt good about that, especially when I gave them a high-pitched character analysis on the first day! Uff da.

Below are some photos of the day. As usual, they don't begin to capture the emotion, excitement, the highs and lows we experienced. But what a grand day!!

Keep Rand close to your hearts. Keep good thoughts for his contentment, health, returning strength, and some good belly laughs (or even chuckles) every day!

Love,
Connie
Our friends took this from the back seat as I drove us all "home."
Randbo studying his Rainbow Banner from Fisher.
Reading each message in detail again and again.
Randbo has landed
July 15, 2006
Day 167

"Rand ate fresh cherries and papaya with relish."
from Day 165, written by Connie, the Uff Da Lady!
No, Rand did not eat the fresh cherries and papaya with cranberry, pickle, corn or rhubarb relish. He just plain enjoyed them! Why didn't I just say that instead of causing so many of you to ask about what kind of relish he likes??? Uff da.

Today was a happier day for Rand. I was so concerned yesterday when he didn't register much emotion and was either teary or flat. Today he was close to contentment. His crooked cute smile was back, he tried to talk, he had a good night's sleep, enjoyed relaxing in his blue chair, nibbled some rum cake that was delivered by his former student and good friend down the street, enjoyed our MN friends and seemed happy. Our friends will be leaving early in the morning so the goodbyes were said tonight and Rand did well.

What a week this has been. It was so good to have Willie and Joanne here for their perspectives on our situation, their participation in the woes and whoopies that occurred. Their help with Rand's move was wonderful and their way of diverting my attention has also been great. I don't know which of us appreciated them more - Rand or me. I hate to see them leave tomorrow. It was so good for me to hear their observations about Rand as I tend to miss the forest for the trees. They feel good about Rand and his progress as well as his prognosis. That means a lot to me.

Good night, good friends. Keep Rand close to your hearts so his good feelings, contentment and peace continue.

With relish and love,
Connie


July 16, 2006
Day 168

Rand spent the day in the hospital emergency room again today. I got a call this morning from the doctor who owns Rand's Room saying that he thought Rand had a Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT) or blood clot in his right leg. I got him to ER immediately and after tests, sure enough, he had the dreaded DVT. He is being treated with more blood thinners to try to dissolve the clot so it doesn't head to his heart or lungs. Rand was in so much pain that after the pain pill didn't work, I requested that he receive a shot. That finally took hold and I brought him "home" about 4:00 this afternoon. He was tired and groggy, but relatively pain-free and even smiled a little when I left. He will be getting heavy-duty painkillers for the next week to make him comfortable while the clot is dissolving. Thank goodness he didn't have to be admitted to the hospital.

There were times today when Rand and I couldn't cope any more. Rand because of the physical pain and both of us because of the emotional pain. I had to leave his room a few times and went to a nearby room and broke down. How much more does he have to endure? When will the crises stop? How come he can't have any peace? When will he be pain-free? What more is it going to take? A nurse came in and hugged me and told me how sorry she felt for me. I appreciated the hug and having someone there with me, but pity I don't need. We need answers and solutions and none seem to be available.

I'm drained. Rand is safe once again and in a good place for now. I'm going to have some wine, something to eat and some kind of diversion to keep my mind occupied.

Keep Rand close to your hearts. Think peaceful, healing thoughts for him.

Love,
Connie

July 17, 2006
Day 169

Rand had a miserable day. Not only was the temp sitting at 100 degrees and he is in a house with no A/C, but now he is bed-ridden. The DVT has made his situation so precarious and he cannot be moved around. We don't know how big the DVT is, exactly where it is and we are afraid to move him much as the clot could dislodge and go straight to his heart or lungs. The doctor has said to keep him still. He was in a lot of pain on top of everything else. Finally I couldn't stand his misery any more and with help, we gently, carefully moved him to his blue chair where he could stretch out, take full advantage of the fans, have his legs propped up, nap, and relieve some of the pressure on his back, hips and shoulders. He was much happier. He is getting pain narcotics every four hours to help keep him comfortable.

There was some good news, however. I gave Rand his shot in the abdomen this morning and he didn't feel a thing! WHEEEE! I also found some new games that he might be able to play when you come to visit. I got card stands that hold playing cards on the tabletop and new decks of cards with large numbers. I also found a dice cup and some larger dice and two jigsaw puzzles - one with 24 pieces and one with 100 pieces. He always enjoyed jigsaw puzzles so these may help pass the time when he is able to sit up again. Another piece of good news is that about six weeks ago I felt Kaiser had screwed up royally and put Rand, the doctor and a nurse, in a lose-lose situation and handled the incident in an unprofessional manner. Without going into details, I went into my blistering, "The Wife" mode and fired off a letter demanding an apology to Rand, the staff at the Nurses' Station and an explanation of procedures that should have been followed and the steps they were taking to make sure this never happened again. The response arrived the other day. Rand received a major apology, as did the staff. The department accepted full responsibility for the lousy treatment/communication and we got steps, procedures, amendments, training schedules, disciplinary action, etc. I'm satisfied and I think that someone's fanny is in a sling!

So much for Day 169. I'm glad it is almost over and so is Rand. It will be very hot again tomorrow, but maybe his pain will subside and he will be more comfortable. Keep him close to your hearts. Think cooling, soothing thoughts for him.

Love,
Connie

July 18, 2006
Day 170

Rand had a quiet day, hot, but quiet. The painkillers and other drugs make him lethargic. While he was resting, Debbie, the owner/RN, and I were burning up the phone lines getting all the ducks in a row for Rand. We were sorting out and confirming a pile of conflicting information, contacts, meds, orders, who's-on-first-type of things. Between us we managed to to get everything taken care of for the next couple of days - we think! Who is giving Rand shots a.m. and p.m., who is drawing blood every other day, who is driving it to the hospital lab, who is ordering and/or picking up prescriptions on which days, who is meeting with the Home Health Nurse, who is emailing whom about what, who is dealing with the Anti-coagulation Clinic folks, etc. Yikes! The list goes on and on for each day. What on earth would we do without Debbie and her husband? They truly are angels on our side.

I have been researching adjustable beds for Rand to replace the one in his room. That one is too high and too hard. I got the egg crate pad that so many recommended, but he needs more than that. He needs to have some control over his environment and right now he has precious little. Today I rented a hospital bed for him for a month so he will have some control while I am looking. At least he can sit up in bed and watch TV, adjust the bed for some degree of comfort, elevate his legs, etc. I have narrowed the field to two beds: Select Comfort and TheraPedic. My only concern about both beds is that the remote controls have many small buttons close together and/or small logos that are difficult to see and manipulate. Does any one know of a person or company that can modify those kinds of remotes to meet Rand's needs? Neither company makes remotes that would work for him and there is no such thing as a Universal Remote for beds - at least not that I'm aware of. If you are aware of someone/place like that, please let me know. Thanks.

The excitement in Rand's Room today was the removal of the old bed, mattress and box spring and the set up of the hospital bed. Rand watched intently as the whole thing evolved and the change over was made. He saw a couple of dangling cords underneath the bed and was concerned - but no problem. As I write this, he is tucked safely in bed and, I hope, has propped himself up and is watching TV. The Home Health Nurse arrives tomorrow morning to do a thorough assessment, which I hope will result in scheduled therapy starting in seven to ten days, when the DVT is completely gone.

The doctors have said that this DVT was several days in the making. My sister wonders if that is why Rand was so teary, in so much pain and disinterested in the days before and during his move from Skyline to his room. I bet she's right. I so, so, so want him to have peaceful, contented days for a change. Maybe next week.

Keep Rand close to your hearts. Keep cooling, healing thoughts for him. Tomorrow has got to be a better day.

Love,
Connie

July 19, 2006
Day 171

This morning Rand was a little bit perky! He smiled, responded as he could to the Home Health Nurse and said that he slept well. His appetite is marginal, but who wants to eat when the weather is so hot? It is so good to see him relaxed, aware, and in a good mood. His leg and foot are still swollen but the redness, heat and pain are gone. Thank goodness!! Good drugs and excellent care are doing the job.

Today I got the list of all 19 medications that Rand is taking and the Rx numbers for each. Now I have to type them up so it makes sense to me when I have to refill his prescriptions. The reasons I became a teacher and not a nurse are as valid today as they were 45+ years ago! Yikes - I'm amazed that I am giving Rand shots every day and neither one of us have passed out! Uff da.

I spent the morning with Rand, then ran some errands and came home for a while. I sat down to read and promptly fell asleep. When I woke up I dashed over to Rand's Room with some ice cream, feeling guilty that I was so late. I walked into his room and here was the table in the middle of the room with Rand and four friends around it, poker chips and cards everywhere, hooting and hollering going on! They had been playing Texas Hold'em for over two hours and Rand was in second place!! What a crack up that was! They had brought Jamba Juice and were having a great time! I walked into the dining room and there were the other three residents quietly playing Dominos and looking rather bored (or jealous). I loved it! I wish I'd had the camera along. What fun that was for Rand even though he was tired by the time they left.

It is such a great feeling to write an upbeat, positive review of the day. It has been far, far too long. I hope tomorrow will be even better!

Keep Rand close. Keep good, cooling, healing thoughts going his way. It is working!!

Love,
Connie

July 20, 2006
Day 172

This was a remarkable day. It was filled with surprises, hope, tenderness, tears, love from all over. We haven't had a day like this in far, far too long and Rand and I cherished every minute. I went to see him three different times today as I just couldn't get enough of Rand - he was smiling, content, funny, enjoying life.

Tonight Rand and I had some quiet time together after he had gone to bed and I had delivered the shot. We talked about my goal for him to be home by his next birthday - Feb. 24, 2007. We both know that it is just that - a goal, an aspiration, but something we both hope can be achieved. Coming home has lots of implications - home help, home modifications, etc. and we understand that - me most of all. Even if it is not meant to be, it was delicious for both of us to talk about it, to dream, to imagine. We talked about the garden, having meals together, having our blue chairs in place again. We haven't even talked about this for months as too many walls were in the way - we couldn't begin to see over them, let alone climb them. Our conversation is evidence that Rand has come a long way in just a few days. From the deep depression, the tears, the searing pain of the last few weeks to smiling, nodding, contributing words and feelings to our mutual understanding of what being home together means. Neither of us is so unrealistic that we think this idea is in concrete. We have been through too much to second-guess that, but it still is a hope. Sometimes anticipation is 90% of the joy of an event. It was sweet time together tonight - the first in a long, long time.

Yesterday, a friend of my sisters sent us a Prayer Quilt, made by a women's ministry in Maple Bay Lutheran Church in Mentor, MN. Annie's friend is a remarkable lady, a teacher, and parent and good friend. She picked a Prayer Quilt with the colors of the rainbow, just for Random. It is a symbol of being covered, enveloped with prayers and being lifted in prayer by the group that made it. Rand kept it over his lap this afternoon in spite of the 100-degree heat. Thank you, Bonnie. You are truly a gift.
Today our niece called and helped us order an adjustable Sleep Number bed with attached remote controls for Rand! She works for Select Comfort in Minneapolis and was able to facilitate the order and some accessories. Another remarkable lady impacted our lives today! Thank you, Kiki.

Whew - it has been so, so long since I have felt this good, this light-hearted, this positive. I can't remember the last time I really looked to the future with confidence, with hope and a feeling that it really might happen. I hope and pray that nothing rains on Rand's parade this time that he is coming out of the woods and only sunshine and light are ahead.

Keep Rand close to your hearts and in your prayers and thoughts. Every one of those things are paying off. I hope tomorrow night we will have good news to report from the Anti-coagulation Clinic as well.

Love,
Connie

July 21, 2006
Day 173

Randbo had another good day. Several friends stopped by for a visit, he survived two more of my shots (actually, I'm getting pretty good!) and he started work on a 100-piece jigsaw puzzle. The Anti-Coagulation Clinic called and Rand's blood is almost in the range they want! Whoopie! Because of that, he doesn't have to be almost prone with his legs elevated all the time any more. This afternoon we put him in his wheelchair and brought him out of his room for the first time in seven days. We sat in the living room near the AC and Rand ooooohed and ahhhhhhed over the surroundings, new environment, familiar faces and greetings. He got tired of the AC very quickly and we went outside into the 100+ degree heat and he was happy! We spent time in the shade, enjoying the breeze and he kept saying, "Wow!" He was a little light-headed and dizzy for a while, probably because he hadn't sat upright for so long. He just loved being outside, even in the miserable heat. He had dinner at the dining room table tonight for the first time in a week and ate well. Tonight he was sitting up in his hospital bed watching a baseball game, sipping ice water when I left.

We are well into seven straight days of 100+ degree heat with no let up in sight. Rand's room is bearable because it faces east, of the fans and his tolerance. Rand doesn't mind the heat even though he was pretty uncomfortable tonight. I hope we get the OK to take a little ride in the car tomorrow. I don't know anywhere to go that's cool and would be safe for him, so we'll probably just cruise around and take in the sights. He needs a change of scenery! There might even be an ice cream cone in the plans.

Keep Rand close. Every day now I'm seeing progress and so is he. Keep those prayers and good thoughts beaming his way.

Love,
Connie

July 22, 2006
Day 174 and then some!

I'm having a sleep over! A pajama party! My guests will arrive at 6:00 tonight, we'll have dinner with some red wine, watch TV, tour the house and garden and maybe even sit out side if it cools off enough. The temp reached 111 here today and many folks are without power and AC. My pj party guests are none other than Rand and one of the caregivers!!!! I'm so excited!!! I'm so nervous!!! I'm so worried!!! I can't stand it!!!! Because Rand's house doesn't have AC, it is a virtual oven and Rand's Room is unhealthy with heat. Debbie and I came up with Plan B as we couldn't buy a window AC unit anywhere - everything is sold out. Plan B is that Rand will come here until a unit can be located and installed in his room. Oh, my. How will he react to coming here? To leaving? I'm a wreck.

More later. Cross all digits, limbs, anything that will cross! Keep good, cooling thoughts and I'll tell you all about this opplevelse later. Oh, my!

Love,
Connie

July 23, 2006
Day 175

This was written on Sunday afternoon, July 22, just before the power went out.

The last 24 hours have truly been an "opplevelse." (That is the Norwegian word for an unexpected adventure for good or evil)

Yesterday afternoon it was decided on the spur of the moment to bring Rand home for a 24 hour period as we are in a killer heat wave and there is no AC at his house. With temps at 115 and no relief in sight, his room was worse than an oven and our house has AC. I'd been toying with the notion of bringing Rand home for a visit but not yet - I thought it was too early. I was afraid of what would happen when he had to go back to his room. My fears were unfounded, as usual, and this was probably the best thing that ever happened! Operation Randbo was a roaring success!!

When I went to Rand's Room to pick him up last night, I had asked that no one tell him about the opplevelse as I wanted to talk with him about it alone and get a feel for his reaction. He was stunned. He couldn't believe what was about to happen. He was teary. It had been almost six months since he had even seen the house, let alone been in it. The caregiver, Renee, had all of his stuff packed and ready to go when I arrived. It was like a military operation! We packed the SUV to the rafters with pillows, clothes, meds, supplies of every kind, then managed to get Rand in the front seat, Renee squeezed in the back and his wheelchair, cushion, leg supports, were in the far back. Even with all that, I had to make a late night run to get more supplies to get us through to today!

When we got Rand in the house, he started crying. He soaked up everything again and again. We slowly toured the house, the yard, the garden, his workbench, the garage. He cried, smiled, cried, laughed, cried. Both of us were a mess! Finally we settled down for a glass of wine, some TV and R and R and he was so happy!. See the photo below. About 11:30 he decided it was time to hit the sack. Renee and I got him ready and we put him in our bed. He fell asleep, slept like a baby all night. I was awake half the night, rolling over to check on him! Was he breathing? Was his right arm supported with pillows? Was his right leg elevated? Was he too warm? Too cold? Did the pillow need flipping? Uff da. We had to wake him up at 8:30 this morning! He ate a big breakfast, then he watched TV until noon, oblivious to the 110 degree heat outside. I made a Taco Salad for lunch and topped it off with watermelon and again, Rand was a member of the Clean Plate Club. A friend stopped by and had lunch with us. Before he left, he asked Rand if he was going to spend the night again. Rand said no. I was so relieved that he understood. Now that the ice has been broken, I can bring Rand over here whenever the time is right. Not too often, but often enough. Rand is now taking a nap in our other blue chair.

WHEW! What an incredible 24 hours this has been! The owners of Rand's Room finally found an AC unit in Salinas and had it installed this morning. It has been running all day, along with fans, to cool the room down. I will take Rand and Renee back to Antigua Dr. later this afternoon. I learned a lot about what it takes to care for Rand, about our house, about my ability to handle this whole situation at home.

What a Sleep-Over that was!

Love,
Connie
A Saturday night toast to being home at last.

Sunday morning and all is well.

July 27, 2006

Yikes - I have a ton of email asking "What happened??" since I haven't written for so many days. So here's the laundry list of answers to that question:

- The temps have been hovering around 115 degrees for the last seven days with no relief, no breaks and no AC.

- I have been without electricity for five days. It came back on about two hours ago.

- Everything in the refrig and freezer has rotted and I have thrown it all out

- Rand and I spent Sunday night in the ER again as he had a nasty reaction to Coumadin (sp?).

- The microwave broke just before the power went out

- The locks on the sliding glass doors broke yesterday - sheared off bolts and screws are falling out.

- My neighbor fell down the stairs late Tuesday night so I took care of her

- All the sheets and towels have been sitting in water in the washing machine for five days, so I have been sleeping on the mattress pad with no pillowcases. Uff da. What lavender water??

- The dishwashers have been full of water and dirty dishes and I've been trying to do them by hand and candle light.

- The garbage disposal desperately needed to be run!

- Rand is just fine, in fact, he hasn't been this good in months! WHEW!

- The sleep over was a roaring success. More on that later.

That's why you haven't heard from me for awhile! Thanks for your concern. Details to follow.

Love,
Connie

July 27, 2006
Up to Day 179

By the time most of you read this on July 28, Rand will have passed the sixth month anniversary of his stroke. In spite of all that Rand has been through, there are plenty of reasons to rejoice:

- Rand is safe, content and well cared for. Right now he is the happiest he has been in six months.

- I am safe, content and doing well. When Rand is good, so am I.

- The heat wave has broken, temperatures are close to normal, I have power for the first time in five days. I'm in Hog Heaven!

- Yesterday Rand sang Happy Birthday to his sister on the phone, clear as a bell. There were no dry eyes.

- Tonight I have clean sheets (ironed with lavender water), clean clothes, clean refrig/freezer, AC, lights, phones, and am looking forward to using a hair dryer in the morning and going grocery shopping!

- We have such wonderful friends who helped, offered help, called, checked in, and made these miserable five days bearable. Thank you. Each of you is precious and appreciated.

Today Rand had a doctor's appointment regarding his nasty reaction to Coumadin. That reaction is what caused us to spend six hours in ER Sunday evening. Some people are allergic to the dye in the medication and the dr. hopes that's all it was. He has put Rand back on the drug minus the dye and we hope and pray that that is the answer. The alternative is too grim to think about, let alone to discuss. He has been doing so well since he was taken off the medication. The swelling in his legs has gone down, the rash has all but disappeared, as has the pain. He is being watched closely and monitored daily. Please keep good thoughts and prayers for this to work, because there are almost no alternatives for the long haul.

My aunt from Fargo arrives next Wednesday for a week long visit. It will be good to have her here. A week from tomorrow Rand's super-duper Select Comfort bed with all the trimmings arrives, so we have a big week coming up.

Keep Rand close to your hearts. He needs this happy time, respite from pain and more trips home to look forward to. He also needs visits from friends, so let me know when you can stop by.

Thank you again and again for all of your help and support. We have the best friends in the whole world!

Love,
Connie
July 28, 2006
Day 180

Below is the email I sent to several of you six months ago today. What Rand has gone through in this time has been unbelievable and at times unbearable.

"January 28, 2006
This morning Rand had a massive stroke. It is too early to tell how much damage has been done, but it appears to be significant at this time. He is paralyzed on his right side and is unable to talk. He has difficulty understanding and is very confused. He is in one of the best stroke facilities in the nation and they are doing everything they can for him. The next 72 hours are critical. He is in Good Sam ICU and is not able to have many visitors, no flowers or cards. But he does need all your prayers and good thoughts.
He was healthy as a horse and going about his usual routine until 9:30 this morning when he collapsed. The paramedics were here within minutes and he was in ER minutes after that. He has one-on-one nursing care as they try to stabilize him. The doctors have done everything they can, including surgery to try to "blast" away the blood clots in his left carotid artery and smaller blood vessels in his brain. That procedure was not successful.
I'm sorry to have to do a mass communication like this, but under the circumstances it seems like the best way. Please contact me via email or send cards to the house. Rand will love to hear from you. I'll answer as many phone messages as I can but it might take awhile.
Thanks - keep him tight in your prayers.
Love,
Connie"

On January 28, I had no comprehension of the extent of the damage the stroke had caused, what lay ahead and how our lives had changed forever. When I left the hospital that night I didn't know if I would see Rand alive again or not. I didn't know if this was a warning salvo or a terminal shot. You know the hills and valleys we have traveled the last 180 days, the tears, grief, joys, frustrations, woes and whoopies we have shared. There were many, many days when I never expected to see Rand as he was today. Today he was alert, playing Blackjack, winning (!), curious about the world around him, comprehending and trying so hard to communicate. He is content, yet frustrated, loving, funny, much like his old self, yet much like a four year old, too. He needs two people to care for him around the clock, but he is patient, cooperative, strong, determined and usually wants to get on with things.

I am so grateful for the stupendous care he has received, the incredible out-pouring of love, concern, support, that he receives every day from you, our dear friends. Someone told me that the interest and support would dwindle after a few weeks - WRONG! It is as strong and steady as ever. Thank you.

I didn't know what to say about Rand on this day. Repeating the email from Day 1 seemed most appropriate. I am so proud of him. He has worked so hard, has been so lonely and scared, in so much pain, has endured more than anyone should have to, yet has kept his good attitude, a strong will and his tough Norwegian spirit. The next six months hold more trials, more whoopies, lots of progress and I'm anxious to see what I will be able to write on January 28, 2007 - or maybe what Rand will be able to write!

Keep Rand close to your hearts and in your thoughts and prayers. Thank you good friends.

Love,
Connie

July 29, 2006
Day 181

Today was another day of hills and valleys, woes and whoopies. Rand had a tough time with the blood draw this morning and it took many tries with specialized needles to get the blood they needed. That is always a miserable procedure. This afternoon some friends spent a few hours with him, putting together a puzzle, playing cards and Rand enjoyed every minute. Tonight he had a terrible bout of muscle spams, cramps and pain in his right leg, caused by the DVT. He got two heavy duty painkillers; I elevated his leg and the mattress/bed and that helped. I stayed with him until he fell asleep. I hope tomorrow is a better day. He hasn't been out of the house except to go to the hospital or our house for three weeks due to his DVT and the heat. Tomorrow I plan to take him for a walk and maybe a special "picnic" along the way. He so enjoys being outside that it will be a treat to get out for a change.

Keep good thoughts and keep Rand close to your hearts. So far there has been no reaction to the coumadin. I hope it stays that way.

Love,
Connie

July 30, 2006
Day 182

Rand had SPASMs not spams in his right leg last night!! Sorry about that typo.
The pain was so bad last night that Rand initiated a conversation about it this morning. He said, "I was in so much last night." I provided the word 'pain' and he nodded. He has never mentioned the pain of the previous day before or seemed to remember it. This was also the first time he has initiated a conversation. To me, it is another indication that he is more in touch, more aware, more involved. Up until recently, events happened to him and then disappeared or were forgotten almost immediately. His short term memory is still shaky but seems to be improving bit by bit.

This afternoon a friend called to schedule a visit with Rand. With Jim's permission, I put the phone up to Rand's ear and he responded to Jim's questions and comments. I could tell by the way Rand answered, the smile on his face, that he was understanding and responding appropriately. Afterwards, Jim said, "Wow! We had a real conversation!" Yep, I think connections are being made and Rand is just beginning to make himself understood now and again. I'm not jumping up and down, hooting and hollering about his progress yet, as our hopes have been dashed too many times. Maybe this is the beginning of a major step, maybe not. Maybe Rand is beginning to truly understand the spoken word, maybe not, Maybe he is putting sounds, syllables and thoughts together - maybe not. But the shine in his eyes, his constant attempts to communicate and his increasing success is so encouraging. But then, maybe all of us are just getting better at deciphering what Rand is trying to say. Time will tell.

Today his right leg was normal sized for the first time in three weeks and the rash is gone. Even the heat emanating from that leg last night was gone. WHOOPIE! Maybe the plain vanilla coumadin did the trick. The allergic reaction to the med usually takes seven days, so we have a few more to go before he is out of the woods. Nurse Rachett comes tomorrow morning to do anther blood draw. YIKES!

Today we went for a long walk around a long block. This was the first time Rand has been outside in three weeks, except to get in and out of the car. His new expression of happiness is, "Wow!" said in multiple volumes, tones, emphasizes. He had a lot of "Wows!" during our walk and even made a joke about a man watering his lawn. He still has trouble seeing all the things around him, especially things on his right side. One of these days, I'm going to have the optometrist pay him a visit and see what he can tell us about his vision. I want to wait until I can be relatively sure that Rand will be having good days on a regular basis before I schedule that appointment.

Keep Rand close to your hearts and in your thoughts and prayers. Maybe things are beginning to come together for him. Wouldn't that be a wonderful, incredible miracle?

Love,
Connie
July 31, 2006
Day 183

Today was another banner day for Rand! Yikes - we're not used to everything on the upswing day after day like this! I'm still cautious, with a wait and see attitude. The Anti-coagulation Clinic called and his blood is getting better. Nurse Rachett didn't have any trouble with the blood draw this morning.

"Water" is Rand's new word. He says it a lot, just to say it, not because he wants it. If you say water slowly and pay attention to what your lips, teeth, cheek muscles, tongue, jaw, all have to do, it is not an easy word to pronounce and he is pronouncing it perfectly again and again with no prompting. "Water" came out of the blue yesterday and it was all around us today!

This afternoon we went for a walk and Rand kept up a running commentary about people's front lawns, landscaping, pruning and lack thereof, need for TLC, raking, fertilizing, water, etc. Normally he is quiet, listening to my comments, but today he took over. I couldn't understand most of what he said but got the general idea. He had a grand time analyzing all the yards! The fun part was that he talked a blue streak with no frustration, no inhibitions, just talked away like he owned the world!

A card arrived for Rand today, from friends in Florida. Rand studied the return address for a long time and finally said, "Ahhhhhhhh!" He knew who it was from! Normally he hands cards over to me to open and read. Today he opened the card himself, with a little help, and "read" it out loud to me!! As far as I could tell, he used several appropriate beginning sounds, the word 'water' a lot and matched the length of his words to the length of the handwritten words. I asked him if he wanted me to read it to him and he said no. Later I did read it to him and he agreed with what I read!

All of the above examples tell me that things are changing. Rand is making connections, is much more confident, aware, and getting more independent. His right leg is now normal size, but his foot is still swollen. His leg is painful to the touch and any movement but there are no signs of a coumadin reaction. WHEEEE!

Keep Rand close to your hearts. He has had several relaxed, happy days in a row. It is so good to see him smile, to see his eyes light up, to have him focus, attend to things around him. Keep all these positive things in your thoughts and prayers.

Love,
Connie