August, 2006

RAND’S PROGRESS



August 1, 2006
Day 184

Rand was quiet today. He had several visitors, including his wonderful barber who gave him a haircut. He seemed tired and rather disconnected. Thankfully, he was not in any pain. Maybe all the successes of the last few days wore him out. He was not interested in going for a walk or being outside, which is unusual. He had several minor coughing/choking spells while eating some goodies which also harks back to the bad old days. I hope this was a day of respite and that tomorrow he will bounce back into his bright-eyed and bushy-tailed new routine.

My aunt arrives from Fargo tomorrow night and we're all ready for her. She was here a year ago last February during a cold, rainy time. It will be nice to show her around in the warm sunshine, go to the beach, etc.

I have spell checked and printed out the first six months of these epistles. They neatly fill one binder. Tonight begins binder #2.

Keep Rand close to your hearts, in your thoughts and prayers.

Love,
Connie


August 2 and 3, 2006
Days 185 and 186

This will be a brief overview of yesterday and today as I have company - my aunt flew in from Fargo last night and, boy, are her arms tired! GROAN.

Rand had a good morning, a horrible afternoon and evening yesterday. The pain was awful as his right leg spasmed again and again. Two narcotic painkillers later, he finally had some relief. He also started having a reaction to coumadin again. His legs and feet started breaking out in a rash and his right leg/foot swelled up. Last night I took a black felt pen and circled all the rash areas on his legs and took pictures of them. Then I used a tape measure to wrap around his leg, ankle and foot to show the size so we would have something to compare it with today and in subsequent days, then I photographed them. I emailed the photos to the doctors and printed out a set for the caregivers so they know what to look for and then I hoped I wouldn't have to put Rand through the ordeal of a trip to the hospital. So far it has worked! The rash and swelling have not increased in the last 24 hours and the doctors are pleased with what they see via email. WHEEEEE! There is another blood draw tomorrow morning and if his blood is therapeutic, then maybe the abdominal shots can stop! Double WHEEEEE!

My aunt Phyl brought us sweet corn from Minnesota (double YUM!) and a package of lefse. Rand happily ate lefse this morning and we'll bring corn and more lefse over tomorrow. This afternoon Rand was tired as he had his first day of PT in almost a month and it was painful. The session lasted 90 min., plus he had more company. Tomorrow is the Great Bed Exchange, OT in the a.m., Speech therapy for the first time in the p.m., a blood draw and more company. Whew. Phyl and I went to the beach for lunch this afternoon after making another run to the hospital pharmacy to refill Rand's painkiller prescription.

My epistles will be sporadic for the next few days with all the activities going on. Be aware that the team of Frick and Frack are once again swinging into action tomorrow to attach the new headboard to the new bed frame. Uff da. I'll take pictures!

Keep Rand close. He's had and will have some tiring days. This too shall pass. He is his sweet, handsome self, in spite of it all.

Love,
Connie

August 4 and 5
Days 187 and 188

Rand has been in such pain for the last 24 hours. His right leg spasms constantly. His calf is warm, knotted, and painful to the touch. He has been getting the narcotic pain killer and some morphine to keep it under control. We spent most of today in the emergency room as he is once again reacting to the blood thinning drugs, coumadin and probably lovenax. I'm not quite sure what all I was told today, but the doctor thinks this might be internal bleeding that is causing his foot to swell so much rather than an allergic reaction. For now he is off coumadin again and his lovenax shots have been stopped for 24 hours. We will see the doctor early next week to see what is going on . . . and to hear about Plan B. This roller coaster has got to stop pretty soon. When I came home from Rand's Room late last night I told my aunt that at this rate, Rand is going to outlive me by many years! I know how he suffers, how much pain he has, how frustrated he is, but, you know what? Me too. I know I shouldn't complain, but I'm getting tired and frustrated too. I need a break also. What's going to happen when I go back to work? Should I resign and forget the whole thing now and stay home? Then what would happen? A person can "go postal." Can a person "go medical?"

Rand's sister Karen sent us the cutest T-shirts that she designed! They have a CR logo in the center circle and around it is printed: "C and R Trucking Co. We Keep On Trucking!" After we got out of ER tonight, we called them and Rand said, "I am the trucker!" And a darned good one, said Karen! Very cute and very special. Pictures to follow!

Rand's wonderful new bed arrived yesterday and he is enjoying it as much as he can through the pain. When he is feeling better, he will thoroughly enjoy it. I tried one of the massage features on his upper body last night, trying to draw his attention away from the pain. It worked briefly. A friend came over and attached the headboard and it looks great. Pictures to follow when life settles down. Thanks again, Kiki.

Keep Rand close to your hearts, in your thoughts and prayers. He has had a rough two days. Peaceful, quiet, pain free days must lie ahead.

Love,
Connie





August 6, 2006
Day 189

Sorry, in all the confusion yesterday, my day numbering is fouled up again. Yesterday's email covered days 187 and 188, not 186 again as I stated.

Today, Rand had a grand day! He was bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, had no pain, was great, great, great! My Aunt Phyl took him through some "back to the basics" from his Lutheran upbringing and she was thrilled that he could recite the Lord's Prayer with her, could say "Jesu Naven" and the table grace we grew up with. He hardly missed a beat on any of them. Tomorrow she is going to sing the Concordia fight song with him, "Beautiful Savior" and review today's recitations! Funny thing is, Phyl is only one of three members of the family who did not go to Concordia - the other 29 of us did!! Oh, well, she is from a good Concordia family and that counts. Rand and I also sang "Moon River" together several times - great fun!

The swelling in Rand's foot was down today and the color was almost normal. I just love it when Rand is smiling, happy, pain-free, funny, enjoying life. Phyl, our neighbor Jackie, and I took him for a walk and he talked a blue streak. He was so happy to be outside, to be surrounded by friends and family, to have new "drivers" for his wheelchair, to be enjoying everything around him. What a delight this day was for all of us! We left him on the verge of a nap and we went on an opplevelse that included a tour of the back roads, a winery and lunch. We had a good time, too. Tonight we went back to Rand's Room so I could give him his shot plus a little shot of red wine. That brought a resounding, "WOW!!" Maybe I should do that more often! He totally enjoyed it.

Thank you for keeping Rand close to your hearts, in your thoughts and prayers. It is days like this that make me so thankful for everyone of you. Days like yesterday are so sad, scary, tough, miserable and unpredictable that I forget how many people are on our side. When the Randbow shines, my brain clears, my soul rejoices and my heart sings and I thank you for standing with us as we wade through another quagmire.

Love,
Connie

August 7, 2006
Day 190

This was another good day for Randbo. He was tired from his PT session this morning, but otherwise was in good spirits. Did I tell you that I have hired a CNA to work with Rand five days a week? He is experienced and the PT and OT are impressed with him. He is there for the weekly OT and PT sessions with Rand, takes his guidance from the therapists and carries out those plans every day. What a relief that is! At least I know that Rand will not be falling though the therapy cracks again as before.

Rand's new bed is a godsend! There is nothing like sleeping in your own bed and this is the closest Rand can get right now. We have a Select Comfort bed at home so this Select Comfort is almost like home. Rand has the sleep number set to the same setting on the new bed. This one not only is adjustable but also has several massage features. One of these days, we'll have the time to really get acquainted with it. The new sheets, mattress pad and two special "back sleeper" pillows will arrive any day now, so he'll be in hog heaven!

Tomorrow we have an appointment with his doc. to see what can and should be done about the coumadin issue. I hope the lovenax shots can be stopped soon. Rand's poor tummy is so black and blue and yellow from all the injections.

My aunt Phyl leaves early in the morning for Fargo. We'll be up at 4:30 a.m. so she can catch her 6:30 a.m. flight. Uff da. But the Minnesota sweet corn she brought was wonderful, the lefse was outstanding and having her here was such a treat. I'll miss her.

Keep Rand close to your hearts. Keep good thoughts about the doctor's decisions tomorrow. I'll let you know what happens.

Love,
Connie

August 8, 2006
Day 191

The rollercoaster continues and at times I want to jump off! Today we spent almost 5 hours at the medical center completing and following up on a 20-minute doctor's appointment. What does it take for people (professionals??) to get their act together? To find their fannies with both hands? For the right hand to know what the left hand is doing? How many med techs does it take to plug in a stethoscope?? Good grief! Just when I thought my day had ended at 8:00 tonight, I discovered that our phones didn't work and then Nurse Rachett called on my cell phone to say that I needed to have Neosporin at Rand's Room by 9:00 tomorrow morning. While I was delivering the cream to Rand's Room, AT and T called to say - "Ooooooops, we disconnected your phones by mistake!" YIKES! My day started at 4:30 a.m.. Taking my aunt to the airport so she could get on a flight to Fargo. Everything went down hill from there. Rand is fine, he had a long but good day - I'm the one moaning and groaning. I think I will sleep well tonight. Tomorrow has got to be a better day.

The sheets and other goodies arrived for Rand's new bed today so I got those washed, ironed and on his bed. They look and feel great - also the lavender water smells so good. Rand was cozy and comfortable tonight.

As a result of the dr. appointment today, Rand is off coumadin for two weeks and the lovenax (another blood thinner) has been changed. The dr.s agree that his swollen foot/ankle is not an allergic reaction to the meds. but rather a hemorrhage. The two week grace period should allow the body to absorb the blood that has leaked out and the swelling to go down. Knock on wood, formica, whatever is handy. A doctor said today that every roadblock imaginable has been thrown at Rand. If all these lousy things had not happened to him over the months, he would be so far down the road to recovery! As it is, he gets the slats knocked out from under him at every turn and loses ground every time. Today the PT called and excitedly told me that yesterday Rand stood at the sink and moved his left foot! Wasn't I ecstatic?? No, I replied, in April he was walking 400 feet a day! She was stunned - she had no idea. DOES ANY ONE READ HIS MEDICAL RECORDS?? All these people work for the same medical care company and they don't communicate! AAAAARUGH!!!

On a more positive note (I have to try to keep all this stuff in perspective) the microwave oven that broke two weeks ago, the day before the power outage was repaired. I pick it up today, carried it inside, reinstalled it myself and put on the trim kit. It works!! I used the handy-dandy power screwdriver that Rand gave me last Christmas and it worked like a charm and it looks great! Wheeeeeee!

I'd better hit the sack before I think of a thousand more stupid things that happened today. Keep Rand close to your hearts. He is as sweet and handsome as ever.

Love,
Connie

August 9, 2006
Day 191

This was another day of woes and whoopies, good news and bad news. First the woes: the colon infection that Rand had a month ago has returned. He is highly contagious and cannot have visitors until early next week. He started on antibiotics this afternoon so keep your fingers crossed that they do the trick and FAST! We have canceled all special events for the weekend including therapy sessions and his visit home on Saturday for the Jeremie Dr. Block Party. DRAT! If you were planning to stop by, please reschedule for later next week. The second woe is that we are now in the Medicare "Gap" or "Donut Hole" so are paying full bore for all prescriptions. This afternoon I picked up two prescriptions for Rand that will last for two weeks - for a total of $1,000! Yikes! I hope that puts us over the top of "The Gap" and we go back to co-pays from now on. Uff da.

Now for the whoopies: This afternoon Rand said his first full, complete, complex sentence in over six months! He was sitting in his blue chair with his legs up on the ottoman, propped up on a pillow. He carefully and slowly said, "I was wondering if you could put my feet on the floor." WOWIE! ZOWIE! Of course I could and did! He breathed a sigh of relief and thought nothing of the fact that he had initiated a need, said it perfectly, accomplished his goal and that I was dancing around the room whooping and hollering!! WHEEEE! A little later, I showed him the PixStix that I bought for him (at Ace) about four months ago. It is an extension grabber with a pistol grip that allows you to reach items, grab and retrieve them. I've showed him how to use this grabber several times, so did the therapists in Vallejo and here, with no results. He didn't get it. He couldn't use it. He couldn't remember what it was for. Today I showed him how to use it again and he caught on right away! I threw magazines on the floor and he picked them up. I put my PDA on the floor and he retrieved it. I tried to take his sock off and he pulled his foot away but agreed that it was possible. WHEEE! He's making connections! He's understanding, he's "getting it" again!! Now he is talking a lot - he greets everyone at the breakfast table in the morning with "Hello, good morning." I'm thrilled! He doesn't understand what the big deal is!

The other day I bought a five drawer wicker basket chest for Rand's room and took the wicker hamper and white-wheeled cart away. The activity packets are now in the wicker drawers. I'm in the process of removing some of the packets as he has outgrown them and others items are taking their place. Charlotte, a good friend, created a game for Rand out of PVC plumbing pipe connectors from Ace! She is so clever! All the pieces are in an Ace red shopping basket (temporarily borrowed) including directions and dice. It is fun and Rand is getting good at it! Rand has always loved jigsaw puzzles and regularly put together complicated 1000 piece puzzles that required a magnifying glass to see the pieces. He restarted his puzzle career with 50 piece puzzles and is now doing 100 piece ones! If you stop by, the puzzles are in the basket drawers and there is a green felt puzzle-keeper just in case you don't finish in one setting. He loves doing them and needs coaching about organization (grouping colors, finding shades and/or shapes). If you find 100 piece puzzles that are not childish, they'd make a good gift - even used ones with a piece missing!

That's all the news that's fit to print. Keep Rand close to your hearts and think good thoughts for his speedy recovery from the infection and continuing cognitive progress. It is so exciting!
Love,
Connie

August 10, 2006
Day 193

Today was so normal, so quiet, and so calm, that Rand and I slept through the afternoon like two old folks! My usual routine with Rand in the afternoon is to talk, get him to talk, question, get him to think, challenge his memory, jump start his brain cells, sing, write, play games, whatever it takes to keep his mind stimulated. Today the speech therapist was there when I arrived and he was tired when she left. At 3:30 I put his blue chair way back, almost horizontal, he gave a huge sigh of relief and promptly fell asleep. I decided that it was a good time for me to get acquainted with the remote control and all the features of his new bed. I laid on the bed, raised my upper body, elevated my legs, got "the wave" massage feature going and the next thing I knew it was 5:00! Yikes!! Tomorrow is our 43rd wedding anniversary and I laughed to think that we were acting just like old married folks- it wouldn't have been any different than if Rand were home and it was any warm Thursday afternoon in August. Uff da.

The antibiotics are doing their job well and killing the infection that Rand has/had. People still need to wear latex gloves when around him, and fighting the infection has taken some of the wind out of his sails, but he is doing well. Very soon, the doctor thinks that he will be right as rain and is probably no longer contagious. Precautions are being taken because of the other residents in the board and care home.

Thirty-five years ago, I moved into the bathroom down the hall as the master bath was too small for both of us to use in the mornings. The other day it occurred to me that it would make more sense for me to move back into the master bath and clean one bathroom instead of two for one person! DUH! I have been busy doing that and it is working well. Amazing that it took me so long to figure that out!

This morning I had my 5,000 mile medical check up. The doctor and I were talking about Rand and she asked me if I was depressed. I said no, I didn't think so and promptly started crying. What was that all about??? I haven't done that in weeks! Uff da. I am under a lot of stress and pressure, but am not depressed, at least not by my definition. Oh my, maybe I need to keep a closer eye on myself.

Keep Rand close to your hearts and in your thoughts and prayers. He is even more handsome now than he was 43 years ago!

Love,
Connie


August 12, 2006
Day 195

This was another calm, relatively pain-free day culminated by the Jeremie Dr. Block Party. I gave Rand his shot this morning and prepped him about the afternoon activities. He seemed excited and ready to go. When I picked him up, he was all decked out in his new Spam shorts, a gift from Annie, and our new "R and C Trucking Co." t-shirts, designed and made for us by Rand's sister, Karen. As we were driving away from his house, he started fighting tears. That continued until he was situated in the center of all the activity across the street. From there on, he was King of the Hop! All the neighbors were there, made a fuss over him, talked, greeted, hugged and kissed him. He ate like a horse - drank a beer and loved all of it. I took him for a walk up and down the street but he wouldn't stop at our house. Finally he indicated that he wanted some red wine. In order to get that for him, I told him that we had to go to our house. He reluctantly agreed but only to sit in the backyard while I got the wine. He refused to go in the house. We rejoined the party and about 7:00 he said he wanted to leave. With the help of some neighbors, we got him in the car and I gave him a tour of the neighborhood before we headed back. He was happy to get back to his room and content with the outing. I thought it went well, but it is hard to say what Rand thought. I think he enjoyed himself, I know he loved the food, but the rest is difficult to decipher. I think he didn't want to go to our house because it is too hard to leave. But then, that's me projecting onto him and that is not fair nor always accurate. When I asked him why, he shrugged and said he didn't know. Below, there are a couple of pictures of the afternoon.

It is Saturday night. If Rand can make it to Monday morning, it will be the first time in months that he has had a full crises-free week and the first time in five weeks that we have not spent one weekend day in ER. That would be such progress, I can't tell you!! Keep your fingers crossed.

Also, keep Rand close to your hearts. He is ready for visitors and coaches any day of the week!

Love,
Connie

Sunday 8/13 - Day 196

Rand is fine - but our internet service is not, hence the delay in the daily epistles. I upgraded our DSL service and switched our phones to Earthlink last Friday and everything has been a mess ever since. I knew it would be a pain, but I never imagined that it would be this bad. I am writing this Sunday evening knowing that I probably can't send it until Wednesday at the earliest. This will be a running ejournal until the internet gods/devils get their act together.

This is the first full week out of five weeks that Rand has not had a health crises and has not spent a day in ER! That is something of a miracle, a total relief and a real whoopee! We are seeing progress in Rand's strength, speech and comprehension and now it looks like he might have a fighting chance of continuing without a setback. That will be a first in almost seven months.

Rand and I went for a walk today and he was intermittently teary. He couldn't tell me why and was irritable off and on all day, which is unlike him. I hope he isn't getting another bug. He said that he does not want to go to our house again - ever. He said that he doesn't like the house, he doesn't want to come here for lunch or to spend an afternoon. He couldn't explain further, just an emphatic, "NO!" whenever I mentioned it. I asked if it was too painful to leave and he said no. Maybe one of these days he'll change his mind or be able to explain it in a way I can understand. My sister reminded me that Dad was the same way when he could no longer live at home. He wouldn't even look at the house when we drove by and refused to discuss it.

Man, with no internet, no email, I got all the ironing done. Now I should tackle the floors. I'll look around for something fun to do instead.
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Monday, 8/14 - Day 197

Rand was much happier today. He needs so much sleep and I forget how tired he gets after any unusual activity. The Block Party wiped him out and it took until today for him to recoup. We walked out to Coleman Ave. and watched the workers and huge machines tearing/chewing up the blacktop, big dump trucks roaring in and out of the area, lots of men leaning on shovels. Rand loved it, especially the guy who drove the earth-mover - he waved to Rand every time he passed by.

The weather is glorious - great sleeping weather. A friend who moved away is coming by tomorrow to see Rand and then we are going out for lunch. I'll go back and spend time with Rand later in the afternoon.

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Tuesday, 8/15 - Day 198

I'm playing "Shot Fairy" again this week. I gave Rand his shot early this morning and he didn't even wince.

This business of not having a computer is the pits. In order to access the functions of my new phone system, I have to do it online. WRONG! I bought a GPS system and to read the manual, I have to go online. WRONG!! I have to email Rand's doctor about increasing therapy. WRONG! My phone is ringing a lot with friends calling to find out what is wrong with Rand or me because they haven't heard from me for so long. Other than being supremely frustrated and fed up with Earthlink, everything is fine. !@#$%%^&*()! The technician is theoretically arriving between 8:00 a.m. and noon tomorrow. If that doesn't happen and/or if he/she cannot fix it on the spot, "The Wife" may be banging on the doors of the Earthlink headquarters in downtown San Jose.

Today I spent a lovely afternoon with an old friend. We had lunch, shopped, caught up on each other's business and gossip. Great fun. Later this afternoon, after all of Rand's therapies were over, we went for a walk in the neighborhood. Rand was in good spirits and we had fun together. I again asked him if he would like to come home one day for lunch and to spend the afternoon. He emphatically said, "YES!!" I asked him why he had said no the other day and he looked at me like I was crazy. Who would turn down an opportunity to go home for a visit?? He didn't remember his adamant feelings from Saturday. Here I go again, taking everything at face value, assuming that what he says is what he means. I'll catch on one of these days.

Keep Rand close. It has been eleven consecutive days since he had medical crises and/or was in ER. That is a record for the last (almost) seven months.

Love,
Connie
______________________________
Wednesday, August 16 - Day 199

Rand was bright-eyed and bushy tailed at 7:00 this morning when I arrived to give him his shot. I think this will be another good day. The swelling in his right foot has gone down so much that I can see the beginnings of the arch in his foot. His leg is back to normal size and I bet by next week his foot will be too. Then I expect the doctor to start him on coumadin again and possibly take him off the daily shots.

Several people have asked about the cost of Rand's care, so I decided to give you a quick rundown. The bills for Rand's monthly care run about $7,000. That includes his board and care cost, prescriptions and miscellaneous medical and supply expenses. That does not include the cost of specialized clothing, things to make his life easier or more enjoyable and other items. That amount varies from month to month. We do not have long-term care insurance so all of the above are out-of-pocket expenses. When Rand is in the hospital or a nursing home, then everything is paid for by insurance, otherwise it is our nickel. We all know that $7,000 a month is only going to go up in the future. Part of the stress and pressure of our situation is keeping that additional flow of funds coming. Rand did a wonderful job with our finances and investments over the years, but it is not a bottomless pit. I estimate that we are comfortable for the next couple of years and then I'll have to start being creative. Later this month, I am meeting with our CPA to reorganize our assets and get them consolidated in a way that makes sense to me. I will feel so, so much better when I know exactly how to access which funds and in what order and to have them at my fingertips. Rand's situation is unique because of the people who own the house, the caring staff, and the resident: staff ratio. If he was to go to a nursing home, you could add about $1,000 to $2,000 a month to the above expenses. The moral of the story is - don't get sick or old. If you must do one or the other, be prepared!! Old age is not for sissies or those with shaky finances.

WHEEEEEEE! The technician just left and I am back online - with 92 emails to deal with. Uff da. More later.

Love,
Connie

August 17, 2006
Day 200

Rand is the healthiest he's been in 200 days and has been hospital-free for 13 days in a row. I am so grateful for that small/huge miracle. He is finally getting the healing time he has so desperately needed, the sleep, rest, and quiet environment.

Tomorrow I am taking him for a manicure and pedicure! He has been complaining about his nails and I can't get them clean. The left hand is so stained from food and his feet need TLC after recovering from the swelling. Connie's Traveling Beauty Shoppe isn't up to the job. Following that treatment, we'll take a stroll around the mall and be back at Rand's Room in time for lunch. He has speech therapy in the afternoon so he will be all tuckered out.

I didn't plan it this way, but today was the first time (outside of Vallejo) that I didn't go to see Rand. I had errands in the morning and two doctor's appointments in the afternoon. By the time I got home it was too late and I was too tired. I'll be interested to see if Rand remembers that I didn't show up.

A friend and former speech therapist worked with Rand today. His vocabulary now has some two and three syllable words that he pronounces well and he is trying mightily to put together complex sentences. It is still difficult to comprehend what he is saying, but I think we are past the total gobbledy-gook stage and on to the next phase. One of these days, it will really start to come together for him - for his sake I hope it doesn't take another 200 days! Another speech therapist friend will sit in on the session tomorrow and may pick up some pointers for working with him too.

Several of you have mentioned that I only talk about Rand in these epistles and not about how I'm doing. Thank you for asking. I have mostly good days and a few bad days, good nights and some bad nights. I would say that over 90% of my waking hours are positive, upbeat and I'm so glad that I have boundless energy. Most of the time I am so swamped that the days fly by. I get up in the morning and the next thing I know, it is time for bed. I sleep like a log with no help from chemistry. That needed help ended months ago. Recently I have started feeling a little depressed and/or discombobulated and I'm not sure why. I'm glad I'm going back to work in the next few weeks - I think I need another side to my life. Now that Rand's health has stabilized, I feel better about leaving him. I will be talking with Meg again and trying to get a handle on what is going on with me. Maybe now that Rand has calm, smooth sailing, mine will be getting rocky. We'll see.

Keep Rand close. Keep him in your thoughts and payers.

Love,
Connie

August 18, 2006
Day 201

This morning I apologized to Rand for not being there yesterday. He looked confused for a minute and then said, "Oh, yeah." If I hadn't said anything, he wouldn't have remembered. I should have known better. Lesson learned.

Rand LOVED his manicure and pedicure this morning! Before his stroke he laughed at the idea of his having either one done, even though several of his friends do. Today, he kept saying, "Wow!" as he watched the progress on his feet. I think we will have a monthly date for this indulgence. We had time to stroll through several stores and Rand bought a new tan shirt, sienna red shorts and pjs. We also stopped for a bear claw and apple juice at a small bakery. All in all, it was a grand outing for both of us. We used the local paratransit van and everything went like clock work. This afternoon he had speech therapy, a couple of former students stopped by and I was with him later in the day. I think he will sleep well tonight.

Tomorrow, a friend is coming over for brunch and a visit with Rand. I plan to wash his windows again while they are visiting.

I met with Meg this afternoon and as usual, she helped me understand what is going on with me, made some suggestion on how to deal with it and I left feeling much better. I hope that each of you will find or already have a "Meg" that can help you out when a crisis occurs. She and her skills are a godsend - plus I connect with her. If the situation were different, I think we would be good friends. She pointed out that I have been in crises mode for close to 200 days, running on adrenalin, reserve energy and who knows what. She said she was surprised that I haven't gotten sick. All the feelings and emotions that I have had have been pushed down, beaten down and not dealt with as I had much more important things to handle. Now, those emotions and feelings are starting to creep out into the open, into my consciousness, as Rand's and my respective lives have calmed down. I will have to acknowledge and deal with them as they occur and then get on with it. She made some good suggestions about taking care of my self - starting with a visit to a day spa. That never occurred to me and I think I will do it. I could really, really use a day of pampering. I wonder if they kick you out if you snore during a treatment?? There is one nearby in conjunction with a nice hotel - a day at a spa, with a massage, dinner and wine in the room, a good night's sleep, breakfast in the morning - Yikes - does that sound good or what!?! I think I'm ready and I know I need it.

I'd write more, but I have to look up some phone numbers!!

Keep Rand close in your thoughts and prayers. Each day he is better and better.

Love,
Connie

August 19, 2006
Day 202

Is it possible to be happy and bored at the same time? I am and I am. I'm happy because life is now boring. This epistle will be boring and I'm happy. Everything seems routine now because every day is a good one for Rand. We have hit and passed the two-week mark of no medical crises, no hospitalizations, and no ER visits. Boring. There's not much to report. Rand is happy and healthy day after day. He looks great, eats and sleeps well, enjoys being outdoors and having friends drop by. By boring, I mean same old, same old - I don't mean dull, or unexciting, just the same old routine for fourteen days in a row. Happy and boring. On Thursday we see the doctor again. Rand's foot is slowly regaining its normal size and shape, so I wonder if there is coumadin in his future? If so, I hope, hope, hope that the boring routine continues and coumadin doesn't bring back the bad old days.

Today I made reservations for my day/night at the spa and hotel on August 31 - the first day I have free. I will check in after lunch, have a facial, an "Ocean Scrub" body treatment and a massage. Yikes - it sounds decadent! (Sometime, remind me to tell you the story of my first and only massage experience. Uff da.) Anyway, I will probably fall asleep in my room when the three hour indulgence is over. Maybe I'll bring a bottle of wine, some good bread, cheese, a book and totally flake out. (Their restaurant is closed - pooh.) I'll head home (10 miles) the following morning. I'm excited!

Keep Rand close to your hearts, in your thoughts and prayers. He's finding life to be very exciting these days!

Love,
Connie

August 20, 2006
Day 203

Well, we had another peaceful, enjoyable, boring day. Rand was happy, played Blackjack with a friend this morning, had therapy and we went for a walk around the neighborhood this afternoon. He had one stabbing pain episode, reminiscent of the waves of pain a few weeks ago, the first in a long time. It was blessedly short, but a tough reminder to both of us that we aren't far from the edge of the woods. This afternoon we started a Spider Man puzzle and then Rand was ready for a nap. About 1:00 I told him that I had to leave by 3:00 today. He checked his watch at 2:40 and mentioned that it was getting close to the time I had to take off. At 3:10 he said I should leave. I knew he could tell time in relation to meals, but I didn't know how accurate he was in other contexts. Amazing! Then again, he was ready for a nap! I'll see him at the crack of dawn tomorrow, as I have to give him his shot for the next two days.

Keep Rand close - he will always need your thoughts and prayers.

Love,
Connie

August 20, 2006
Rand’s Progress

Sometimes I think I am giving you a false impression of the progress Rand is making. I get so excited and involved that I fear I lose sight of the forest for the trees. Yes, Rand is making progress every day. In the big picture, his progress is minute, infinitesimal but hugely important to me. I fear that I am giving the impression that Rand is on his way back - given time and therapy, he will be OK again. That will not happen, no matter how much progress he makes. Rand's basic personality is still there, undamaged and as sweet as ever. His physical abilities are severely damaged and may never be repaired. His speech is not understandable and much of what he does say is out of context. The cells in his left-brain are dead and will not return. His right brain functions cannot take over for the left-brain in any meaningful way.

Rand is now much like a three or four year old child. He can do some adult things, but basically, he is more like a pre-schooler. He was always fastidious about his clothes, appearance, grooming. Now he wears a bib, frequently has food on his face, would go for days without shaving or brushing his teeth and he never combs his hair. He has food stains on his nails, isn't concerned or even aware of haircuts, mustache trimming, soiled clothing, showering, etc. Every day I shave him, comb his hair, check his mustache, nails, etc. Under normal circumstances, he would be so upset by all these things and now he isn't even aware of them. Fortunately, the staff takes such good care of him and many of these things are done for him every day when they can get to them. They make sure his clothes match, his socks are correct, and everything is appropriate. For some reason, Rand is aware of food/crumbs on his shirt and chair and brushes them off. He is aware of the angle of the blinds in his room, the AC and ceiling fan. Sometimes he likes to look out the window and watch the action on the street.

His memory is very poor, except for people. He does not remember teaching for 38 years. Fisher Middle School in Los Gatos means nothing. He does not remember our 43 years of marriage, our trips, driving a car, handling money, shopping, or either of our names. He cannot use a phone and doesn't remember that he ever did. I wish I knew what he thinks about when he sits alone in his room. He says he doesn't think about anything and maybe he doesn't. He doesn't seem to miss or yearn for anything that is gone. He doesn't indicate that he wishes he could walk but he does get frustrated that he cannot make himself understood. He doesn't want to be read to, to listen to books on tape, watch the news, listen to music or get involved in any activities in the home. When someone starts something in his room, such as a puzzle or singing, he will join in, but he will not initiate anything on his own. There are family pictures on the walls of his room, some of his famous neckties, various pieces of memorabilia that were special to him and he doesn't connect with any of it. I wonder if he is even aware that it is there.

Rand's Room is now his home. I don't think our home means much to him any more. In his room he is safe, familiar, in a space that he can comprehend and manage. The caregivers love him - he's their favorite. They take wonderful care of him and, like me, when he is happy, they are happy. They congregate in his room in the evenings when they can, and sing along with the karaoke machine on his TV. They laugh, sing, and have a good time together. Rand is always relieved when we return to his room after being away several hours.

Now this is sounding like a real downer! I don't mean it to be, I just want to be sure that I have not given you a false impression of Rand's progress. Progress for him right now is being healthy, having a spark, being pain-free, eating well, being able to move a bit to help during a transfer, to smile, to make and/or get a joke, to participate in things going on around him, to add new words to his limited vocabulary, to sleep through the night, to be interested in something - even for a short while. All these things are signs of how far he has come in the last seven months. Much of this progress has been made in just the last month or six weeks. Please don't get me wrong when I whoop and holler about Rand's progress. Please remember that everything is relative.

Please keep Rand close to your hearts and in your thoughts and prayers. Every day brings a new bit of progress.

Love,
Connie

August 21, 2006
Day 204

Every evening I send this epistle to about 50-60 friends and relatives in the US and Norway. From there it has taken on a life of its own. People forward it to classmates, family members, neighbors, so many others who knew Rand. Over the months, my best guesstimate is that at least 300 people receive this ejournal every day. Uff da! Hence, the entry last night about Rand's progress. It was not aimed at those of you who see Rand frequently, but to those of you who don't and especially to those who haven't seen him in a long time. The responses have been interesting and not what I expected. Some people said they cried because they expected and/or wanted Rand back. Most understood and were glad that I had brought them up to date. One friend called and said that she was so glad I had written that because she now knows that I am OK. That I am dealing with the realities of Rand's condition and not the false hope that Rand will be back and life will go on. I hadn't thought of it that way and it certainly wasn't my intent. The more I thought about her comment, the more I thought that maybe the "Rand's Progress" entry was my way of acknowledging my acceptance of Rand's reality. I am crying as I type this - dealing once again with what I thought I had dealt with months ago. Meg was right - these feeling are surfacing again and again and this time I really have to deal with them head on.

Rand had another grand day. He was happy and content from the time I gave him his shot early this morning until I left late this afternoon after my second visit. Friends came by and took him for a walk, which he always enjoys. We worked on the Spider Man puzzle, and with coaching, Rand can do well. Without someone there, he will not work at it. While we were puzzling the puzzle, Rand took my hand and said, "Memories are bad." I talked to him about the comment, and he repeated it again. I asked if he had good memories and he said no. I told him that I had lots of good memories and not all memories were bad. He repeated the sentence again. He couldn't explain himself and I finally let it go. Did he put three words together at random? Did he really mean that? Is he trying to convince himself? Am I reading way too much into the comment? I'll probably never know.

Tomorrow is another day full of good things. I'm making a loaf of honey-sesame bread for the residents of Rand's House. They appreciate my baking and I love having an audience for my favorite pass time. A win-win situation.

Keep Rand close and hope that he has good dreams, not bad memories.

Love,
Connie

August 22, 2006
Day 205

This was another in what has become a series of typical days for Rand. When I arrived to give him his shot this morning he was polishing off a big breakfast. When I returned in the early afternoon, he had just finished a physical therapy session and was tired. I shaved him, trimmed his mustache, applied some foo-foo water, got him tucked in for a nap. From there I went to the hospital to see our friend who had his hip replaced this morning. He is doing so well! I returned later this afternoon with some KFC for Rand and woke him up. He had been asleep the whole time I was gone! Rand enjoyed a few bites of KFC, we talked for a while and I left before he went in for dinner. He was happy, talked a lot, was in good spirits. Tomorrow we will go outside for a walk and maybe finish the Spider Man puzzle. And so it goes. The next hurdle is Thursday's doctor's appointment. I hope yet am afraid that Rand will go back on coumadin. He needs that medication, but it has caused nothing but grief in the past. Keep your fingers crossed that he can tolerate it this time. The alternatives are zero to none when it comes to breaking up that nasty DVT.

All is well. Keep Rand close and in your thoughts and prayers.

Love,
Connie

August 23, 2006
Day 206

Tonight I threw my car and house keys in the recycling bin - had to dump the whole thing on the sidewalk to retrieve them. Uff da. I think I need some time at a spa!

Rand had another good day. He has always been reluctant to join the other residents in the dining area for meals, preferring to eat alone in his room. I have always insisted that he have meals with the group, but once in a while the staff will serve him lunch in his room. As of yesterday, he is asking to join the group! He doesn't want to be left alone! WHEEEEEE! At breakfast his week he has greeted each person with "Hello, good morning!" They were so excited! He is trying to talk so much - his success rate is better and better all the time! He's a long way from any kind of conversation, but he's improving all the time. It looks like he will begin out-patient speech therapy in the near future - another whoopee!

Rand had a nap today, a visit from the Home Health Nurse (Rachett), physical therapy, he and Manny, a caregiver, finished with Spider Man puzzle and we went for a walk. Tomorrow we head off to the doctor in the morning. Full report to follow.

I had a nice dinner tonight with my good friend. It was good for both our souls as her husband just had his hip replaced yesterday and he's doing so well. A martini for her and a Manhattan for me worked wonders for both of us!

Keep Rand close in your thoughts and prayers.

Love,
Connie

August 24, 2006
Day 207

Today was Rand's two week check up since being taken off coumadin. He is back on coumadin tonight - keep all digits crossed that it works well this time and that there are no more reactions such as the hemorrhaging of last time. The doctor discussed surgery again as an alternative if coumadin sets off another revolt. This time he talked about vascular surgery to remove the DVT rather than the operation to insert a filter into his aorta. I hope neither one is necessary. Rand has seven more days of abdominal shots then those will finally be done. His foot is still swollen, but nothing like it was.

The doctor also noticed an improvement in Rand's cognitive functioning and vocabulary today. He said that between months six and 12, the nerve endings start growing and connecting again and that is what is happening. There are billions of nerves that have to connect so it is a long, slow process, but then, we understand long, slow processes! He has referred Rand to a neurologist who specializes in stroke patients to see if he can get to the bottom of this horrendous pain that continues to surface. Rand has been pain free for a couple of weeks, but the pain has returned in the last three days. How wonderful it would be to get that under control and maybe cut down on the number of medications and just have a few that really do the job. We have an appointment next Friday.

I have decided to postpone my spa day as I will have to be up bright and early the next morning to take Rand to more doctor's appointments, lab tests, etc. I want at least 16-18 hours of R and R and it can't happen on the day I had planned. Who knows, maybe the next appointment will allow me a full 24 hour break.

Keep Rand close. Keep good thoughts about the coumadin - it just has to work this time.

Love,
Connie

August 25, 2006
Day 208

The horrible pain Rand has had in the past is returning again each day now. He had a miserable episode this morning, had two narcotic pain pills and was served lunch in his lounge chair today so he could relax. The therapist worked with him this afternoon and he was OK. When I saw him later this afternoon, he was in good spirits and pain free, thank goodness. Even though the pain has returned, it is much shorter lived and less frequent, which is a blessing.

This morning we signed a gazillion papers for the sale of some property and Rand signed and initialed all of them in cursive! The notary had to ask him questions about his understanding of what was going on and what he was signing. Rand understood but couldn't respond appropriately. The notary accepted it anyway.

We also went for a walk today, saw the neighbors and caught up on some local goings on. The weather is glorious so a walk every day is a pleasure.

Rand wrote/copied a note to our friend who just got out of the hospital today. He told me what he wanted to say, I printed it and Rand copied it. It was a laborious task, and he redid it four times, but he was finally satisfied with the job. I was so proud of him! He blew it off as a poor job but acceptable. He doesn't see any improvement in his communication at all. I guess he only remembers what he wanted to say, even though he gets so frustrated with his inability to talk. His comprehension has improved so much - I would guess that it is about 85-90% - up from 60% just a few weeks ago. His ability to attend to conversations and tasks has vastly improved, too. I'm going to try the computer again one of these days. Those little bugger nerve endings better keep on connecting! I can see improvement in Rand every time a couple thousand get reconnected!

Keep Rand close in your thoughts and prayers. Think good thoughts about being pain free and busy nerve endings!

Love,
Connie

August 25, 2006
Continue?

Dear Friends,

As the seventh month since Rand's stroke comes to an end, I think these daily eEpistles should too. I will keep on writing them as a daily eJounal and therapy for myself, but I will stop sending them out to everyone. If you would like to continue to receive these emails every day, please let me know this week and I will keep you on the email list. Otherwise, I will send an update on occasion or when there is a reason to inform you of Rand's woes and/or whoopies.

I think that Friday, September 1 is a good day for the last mass emailing. If I haven't heard from you by then, I will put your eAddress on a "periodic update" list and keep you informed as events warrant. If you'd rather wait for the Christmas letter update, let me know that too!

Thank you for being so supportive, such dear friends, for being there for Rand and me as we travel through the darkest time of our lives. We will always need your good thoughts, prayers, visits, phone calls, cards and email. Please keep them coming. We will also be thinking of you and the special part you have played in our lives, especially during this time.

Please keep Rand close to your hearts.

Love,
Connie

August 26, 2006
Day 209

Rand had a few severe pain episodes today, but no painkillers were needed. He endured, the pain passed and he was OK. In fact, he had a very good rest of the day. He had a blood draw this morning to check on the coumadin progress in thinning his blood and there was none - progress that is! His blood viscosity was 1.1 (base line) on Thursday without coumadin and the same today after two days of it. He will have another blood test Monday to see if there is any change. It should be between 2 and 3. So far, there are no side effects. I'm watching his foot and leg like a hawk!

We went for two walks today, one long one and a short one. A friend stopped by and we had a good time together. Rand was perky, talkative and his usual charming self.

Tomorrow friends from Sunol will be here for brunch and then we will take Rand, a cooler, ourselves and go for a walk around Almaden Lake Park in the afternoon. The weather is so glorious that is should be a wonderful day. Full report tomorrow.

Keep Rand close.

August 27, 2006
Day 210

This was another good day for Randbo. He didn't have any pain this afternoon and our friends from Sunol and I took Rand for a walk around Almaden Lake Park. They brought along wonderful fruit snacks and we enjoyed them at a picnic table before going off to watch the ducks, egrets and Canadian geese frolic and dive. The weather was glorious with a great breeze and we spent a couple of delightful hours together. Rand was quiet today, but as soon as Solveig and Bill left, he started talking a blue streak! I couldn't understand him, but, again a new word showed up in his vocabulary - "modifications!" I so wish I knew what he was saying, but after all these months of trying, I'm still stymied.

We have a busy week coming up. A friend sings in a barbershop quartet and he is bringing his group to practice with Rand on Wednesday morning! What a treat that will be!

Along with daily therapy sessions and frequent blood draws, Rand gets fitted for a new brace for his right leg and has two doctor's appointments this week.

I've decided to try up setting this epistle, or at least the periodic updates, on a blog. As soon as I feel secure with it, I will send you the address and you can check it whenever you want.

Keep Rand close in your hearts and prayers.



August 28, 2006
Day 211

Rand was rather poopie today - maybe he didn't get his nap in, what with the nurse drawing blood, changing the dressing on his ankle, taking his vital signs, Thuan (the CRN) putting him through his PT paces, me taking him for a walk - Whew! Tomorrow afternoon we are off to have Rand fitted for a new leg brace. I also talked to the powers that be today and Rand is getting a new customized wheelchair made just for him! The one he has now is an "off the rack, one-size-fits-all," Kaiser issue run of the mill chair. In a couple of weeks he will be measured from head to toe and a new Rand Elness Special will be made just for him. I'm sooooooooooo glad! This one is clunky and difficult to maneuver for both of us. Rand needs one that gives him some mobility, is easy to move, lighter weight, etc. It will have a rigid frame which is good for Rand but difficult to pack around. In order to fold it and put it in the trunk I'll have to remove the wheels first, then fold it down and hoist it into the trunk. I guess it isn't much lighter, but with the wheels off it has to make a difference.

My "Back to Work" project for me is sputtering along. I have several irons in the fire but not all of the ones I was planning on are working out due to various things, including my availability. Actually, that works out well, as Rand's needs are starting to pile up again. I suspect that it will be later in Sept. before I know what's happening, with whom and when. In about two weeks, Rand will start outpatient physical therapy at Kaiser and will have to travel there at least once a week. I have made arrangements for Thuan to go with him in the Outreach van so Thuan can be instructed in the next steps in Rand's therapy. I will go every chance I have, but I have to have some flexibility, too. It is a win-win situation.

If you have ever had lutefisk, the Norwegian National Fish, or have heard Rand and me talk about it, the smell, the consistency, etc. you will appreciate this news. Glenwood, Minnesota, near Rand's hometown, is the Lutefisk Capital of the World. Every Sons of Norway Lutefisk dinner from coast to coast buys their lutefisk from the Lutefisk Factory in Glenwood. Now the factory is selling frozen Lutefisk TV Dinners!!! Uff da!! Yikes - can you imagine how many Norwegian lutefisk lovers there have to be in order to turn a profit on those?? Double Uff da!!!

With that thought, I'll ask that you keep Rand close. It is much, much easier than eating lutefisk!

Love,
Connie



August 29, 2006
Day 212

Rand had another good day - he had some painful moments, but otherwise enjoyed himself. This afternoon he had his right leg casted/molded for a new foot/leg brace. It will be ready in about two weeks. In the meantime, the brace guy retro-ftted his old brace so it will work until the new one is ready and then it will continue to act as a backup. That is excellent as he has his PT evaluation this Thursday rather than three weeks down the road. There was a cancellation in the outpatient schedule and I grabbed it! He hasn't been able to wear the old brace for about a month and he said it felt good to have it back on today.

There's not much new. Rand was in good spirits, laughed, talked a mile a minute, enjoyed the outing, and we got home just in time for dinner. I think he will sleep well again tonight - he has another big day tomorrow with the barbershop quartet coming to sing, a PT session, visitors, etc.

Keep Rand close.

Love,
Connie


August 30, 2006
Day 213

Did you notice the moon tonight? I hope it shone as brightly in your part of the world as it did in our backyard. It was spectacular and a perfect ending to a perfect day for Randbo. I won't go so far as to say that Rand's day was spectacular, but it was darned close! I can't remember the last time he had such a happy, giddy, fun day! Me too.

It all started this morning with the barbershop quartet practice in Rand's home. They laughingly call themselves "The Pacemakers" and they have so much fun singing together. Rand, the other four residents, the caregivers, a friend and I gathered in the main room to hear their rehearsal. The quartet gathered at one end of the room and I had Rand facing them in his wheelchair. They sang all the old barbershop standards, like "Let Me Call You Sweetheart" and "My Wild Irish Rose", to "America the Beautiful" to "Silent Night." Rand sang along with them in his baritone, harmonizing perfectly, using the words as they came to him. One of the caregivers and I had to go out for kleenex more than once! Rand's voice is so soft now that it is often hard to hear him unless you are sitting right there. Sometimes he stopped singing and it looked like he was struggling with his emotions, too, especially during "America." He sang, he laughed, he hummed, he clapped (first time I have seen him do that!), he gave the group a thumbs up. The good feeling and memories lasted all day. The caregivers were humming and singing the songs all afternoon! Rand and I talked about it later in the day and he smiled and laughed at the good time he had singing along this morning. What a special group of men to come all the way over here just to include Rand in their rehearsal!

This afternoon Rand had his final in-home PT session with his wonderful therapist, Paula. I could hear her jolly, booming laugh all the way out to the street when I pulled up! I have talked to her many times on the phone but I had not seen her in action with Rand and I was amazed. Rand and Paula have a great relationship, plus he wanted to show off for me, so the results were awesome! He got up out of his wheelchair and into a standing position almost alone. Paula supported him a bit, but he did it basically alone. Manny, his primary caregiver, had one hand on Rand's right thigh and one finger in the velcro strap on his right shoe, to help him move his leg forward. Rand's right arm was in a sling and his left hand was on a hemi-walker and he walked!!!! Granted, he had help moving his right leg/foot, but compared to what I have seen in the past - Rand was really walking!! He didn't need to be reminded in which order to move his feet and walker, he just did it like you and I would. He held his head up, his shoulders back, he had a big grin on his face and he walked in a full circle around the perimeter of the room. Paula walked backwards in front of him as insurance and I scurried around moving furniture out of the way. What a total thrill!! Then Paula told Rand to walk to me and I would give him a big kiss - he did and I did! I don't know who was happier in that room, Rand, Paula, Manny or me!! Rand had one severe bout of muscle spasm pain, but otherwise his day was flawless! It just doesn't get much better than this. WOW!

I'll leave you tonight with that grand report. This was the best day Rand has had in 213 days - bar none! WHEEEEEEEE! Keep him close to your hearts and in your thoughts and prayers.

Love,
Connie

August 31, 2006
Day 214

This was another excellent day for Randbo - second only to yesterday. He continues to amaze me at what he can do and how much, far too much, I do for him that he can do for himself. Does he complain that I do things that he can do? Nooooooooo! I'm catching on, slowly but surely.

This afternoon he had his out-patient evaluation for physical therapy. The PT put him through his paces for over an hour and he didn't get tired. He had pain because of the therapy, but not because of muscle spasms. He took a pain killer before we left home so that helped.

Every time the PT wanted him to stand up from a sitting position, from a chair or platform, all she did was tell him to stand up and he did! YIKES! I lift him, single-handedly, from point A to point B, and let me tell you that he is no Tinkerbelle! Shoot, I could have told him to stand and he could have been doing it for some time! She was close to him just in case, but Rand did all the lifting, all the heavy work. Granted, he can't get out of his blue chair alone, but he sure can get into it. He can transfer himself from the bed to the wheelchair, to the commode, with a whole lot less effort than we've been using. Once again, he walked with help for his right leg, standing tall, head up, shoulders back, using the parallel bars for support. He walked the length of the bars, then walked the length backwards, then forward, then backwards, over and over again. There is a full length mirror at the end of the bars so he can watch himself. After a while he was making faces at himself in the mirror instead of worrying about his feet! Cute! And sooooooooooo much progress! She also did several exercises to strengthen his trunk muscles, right thigh and leg muscles.

One interesting thing she brought up was applying for a repeat stay at Vallejo. I talked to Rand about that awhile ago, and he said NO, NO, NO! The PT said that if we wait much longer, he will not benefit from it. That is a real dilemma for me and I don't know what to do. The PT said that not much of anything can be done for his right arm. It is a dead issue/limb and always will be. She feels that any effort put into it will be wasted. However, with his right leg, she thinks that he can learn to use it enough that he could be able to walk, with support, for several feet. That could be a major help with transfers, getting into and out of cars, using the bathroom facilities, any number of scenarios. Now I know that when Rand was in Vallejo last time, he was quite unaware of time, things around him. He was so lonely, in such pain, but he made such progress, Now he is much more aware and I think I would have to live there most of the week in order for him to be reasonably content. I think he could make progress and probably retain it, this time. On the other hand, is the progress worth the pain? The physical pain is one thing, the miserable living conditions for both of us is another. His progress might be just as good being here, in familiar surroundings, in the room he knows and loves, surrounded buy wonderful caregivers and friends. Even though my returning to work is sketchy at this time, that would sink it for sure. Is all of it worth it? I don't even know where to find the answers. The PT has strong feelings both ways, too. I'll pursue it with the physiatrist and his doctor and probably Meg. Do you have any opinions?? Send them along.

Tomorrow is the last mass daily email about Rand, his woes and whoopies. If I haven't had a request to the contrary from you, the blog will become the update vehicle. Please check it often. I have attached the address for Rand's blog to my signature.

Rand had a wonderful day and I hope you did too. It is such a joy to write about his positive, healthy days, day in and day out.

Keep him close.

Love, Connie