January 1, 2007 - Day 338

Happy New Year once again. 2007 has to be a stunning year - all things point to it.

Where to start in describing the last eight days - it is almost beyond me. The cruise was wonderful. I had such a great time. So much fun, so much relaxation, so much shopping, so much sightseeing, so many funny times, so much food. It was exceptional in all ways. The company was grand. Annie, Buzzie, Willie and Joanne took such good care of me and I returned home tonight rested and relaxed.

It was about 8:30 p.m. before I got home but I went to see Rand anyway. He was in bed asleep but I quietly woke him up and spent about 30 minutes with him. He was so surprised to see me. He knew I was gone and he missed me! He traced my face with his finger, smiled and kept saying. "Boy! Boy, oh, boy, oh boy!" He couldn't get or give enough hugs and kisses. He hung onto the collar of my jacket or my arm and didn't want to let go. He tried to say so many things, but the only thing I could understand was, "How was the cruise?" He really, really understood why I was gone. After many assurances that I would be back to spend lots of time with him tomorrow, he let go and I came home. What a welcome! I didn't know what to expect.

This trip was the best thing in the world for me. Thank you to everyone who encouraged me to go, not to cancel, who bouyed my doubting spirits on the long road to the airport on Dec. 24. I will admit that on the cruise, many hours went by when I didn't even think of Rand, the realities of life at home, what he would have enjoyed, what I wished he could have seen. I basically had eight days of carefree living and loved every minute! It was totally selfish time and I wallowed in all of it. I think that because I had periods of time when I was totally preoccupied, it is a sign that I am further along the road of acceptance than I thought. The road out of grief is long but I guess acceptance has to come first. Rand was so sweet tonight, so child-like. This was another "opplevelse" and a trial run for Rand and me. Both of us lived to tell about it!

Thank you for visiting Rand while I was gone and for keeping him close in your hearts and thoughts. You are the best things that ever happened to both of us!

Love,
Connie