The stroke happened one year ago this morning. In some ways that seems like light years ago, and in others just yesterday. Can you believe that some of you have been reading what I have been writing in this epistle for 365 days now? Look how far Rand has come in 365 days. When you consider that he spent 210 of those days in various hospitals, I think he has made miraculous progress. The doctors, nurses and therapists were not very optimistic a year ago, but they didn't know Rand. He has beaten the odds on every prediction and come through like a champ. He is still making progress despite what they said. One of the lowest points in the past year was when a doctor told me on March 15, 2006:
"Rand is no longer making progress, find a nursing home placement for him by Friday."
Ha! Fat Chance!!
Rand's qualities of tenaciousness, patience, determination and his good nature have paid off time and time again. He has defied the odds, the predictions, and come out on top. Don't misunderstand me - I am not so Pollyanna-ish that I'm not dealing with reality. Rand has some deficits that are so huge that they are insurmountable. Others are so massive that they impede progress. We deal with them daily, we try to work around them, they slow us down but we adapt as we go.
Rand is in a home where he is happy, safe, healthy and content. He is not longing for what used to be, he is not cursing his fate. He is as sweet and lovable as ever. He can walk a ways and does so every day. He can stand up independently and give me a big hug and a kiss. He can play catch and Blackjack. He finds enjoyment in friends, puzzles, newspapers, cards, TV, music, ice cream, walks and rides in the car. He always notices every American flag and if it needs to be straightened or replaced. His needs are simple. He can get himself into and out of his wheelchair and around the house, into and out of a car, into and out of trouble! He laughs at things that make him happy, he gets frustrated with his inability to communicate but he has never given up. He is one remarkable man. In some ways he is a different person than he was just over a year ago, in others he is exactly the same. But then, I am probably a different person too in some ways, yet still the same. We are continuously adapting, adjusting and learning to live with and without each other. That will probably never change.
Thank you for being with us on this journey. We have come a long way and have a long road ahead of us. Your faith, support and belief in Rand have made an incredible difference. We are so blessed to have you as friends.
And on we march into Year Two - I'm anxious to know what I will be writing about a year from now!
Love,
Connie
Friday, January 26, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
Day 358 - January 22, 2007
Rand was rather down when I arrived this afternoon. I gave his friend a bum steer by saying that visiting him anytime today was OK - forgetting that the SLP was there at the same time. Uff da. Rand is always down after speech therapy.
Thuan had Rand standing alone for 10 minutes today, without a crutch and without the leg brace. I think Rand was really tired. After three long days of PT and OT, followed by speech and more PT, he was more than ready to relax. I hope he sleeps well tonight and is rejuvenated in the morning.
Rand really wanted to talk, to practice talking this afternoon. He mimics so well, but is hard pressed to say things on his own and understand what he is saying. We started with, "My name is Rand. What is your name? My pants are blue. My socks are white. My shoes are black. The tractor is red. I am handsome. I am cute." He repeated each short sentence over and over again. He would not let me move on until he had mastered a sentence. He did so well. The pronunciation was great, but the sentences meant nothing to him. He had no idea what was blue, white, black or what colors they were. He doesn't know colors. But he is so intent on talking, he tries so hard, he wants to talk in the worst way. He concentrates, repeats, focuses, works and works at it, but it just doesn't come. I know that he knows exactly what he wants to say but it will not come out right. He gets so frustrated and down. I felt so bad for him when I left. I wish there was something I could do to fix it.
Keep Rand close to your hearts and in your prayers. I hope this is the lull before the storm (of speech, of ideas, of emotions) This too shall pass and it can only get better.
Thuan had Rand standing alone for 10 minutes today, without a crutch and without the leg brace. I think Rand was really tired. After three long days of PT and OT, followed by speech and more PT, he was more than ready to relax. I hope he sleeps well tonight and is rejuvenated in the morning.
Rand really wanted to talk, to practice talking this afternoon. He mimics so well, but is hard pressed to say things on his own and understand what he is saying. We started with, "My name is Rand. What is your name? My pants are blue. My socks are white. My shoes are black. The tractor is red. I am handsome. I am cute." He repeated each short sentence over and over again. He would not let me move on until he had mastered a sentence. He did so well. The pronunciation was great, but the sentences meant nothing to him. He had no idea what was blue, white, black or what colors they were. He doesn't know colors. But he is so intent on talking, he tries so hard, he wants to talk in the worst way. He concentrates, repeats, focuses, works and works at it, but it just doesn't come. I know that he knows exactly what he wants to say but it will not come out right. He gets so frustrated and down. I felt so bad for him when I left. I wish there was something I could do to fix it.
Keep Rand close to your hearts and in your prayers. I hope this is the lull before the storm (of speech, of ideas, of emotions) This too shall pass and it can only get better.
Friday, January 19, 2007
January 19, 2007 - Day 355
At 6:00 a.m. I got home from my "sleepover" at the hospital. It was interesting to say the least. The tech took about 45 min. to hook a ton of electrodes to my scalp and face, plus another dozen on my neck, chest and legs. Of course, each electrode is held in place by goopy, thick gunk so my hair was a total fright wig! I had so many wires connected to so many "boards" that I couldn't believe it. I had straps around my chest and my waist. The room looked like someone's guest room - very nice with a bathroom down the hall. There were four people sleeping over last night - a full house. I conked out about 10:30 with a little help from Ambien, which they encourage, as all this equipment, plus the CPAP machine and mask are not comfortable! The room has a camera that takes a picture every 5 seconds all night long and a speaker so they can record any snoring, grinding of teeth, talking, etc. The tech couldn't tell me anything about my test - I have to wait 7-10 days for all the data to be analyzed and then meet with the doctor to get the results and full picture.
BTW, there was a response to my question about grief, loss and being cold. A doctor friend weighed in with two observations: 1.) the older he gets the colder he gets! I prefer not to touch that one. 2.) yes, stress can effect the body that way, among others. So I guess I'll blame my chilliness on stress and let go at that.
The highlight of today was the start of Rand's "Recovery Function" therapy. He has two PT's, both from Santa Barbara and two OT's both from the Bay Area. Rand was able to do everything they asked of him with ease. At the end of the two hour session, once we got outside, Thuan began punching the air and whooping, "We passed the test! We passed the test!" When I asked him to explain, he said that he had anticipated what they would want Rand to be able to do next so he's been working on it like mad with him - and Rand sailed right through - he passed the test! Now Thuan is hoping that they will "give Rand something stronger" for the next two days. I was happy for Rand and Thuan, but even more pleased when Rand showed off the strength in his right arm. He supported himself on that hand/arm alone this afternoon with no trouble. He even has muscles again in that arm! Whoopie!
An even bigger whoopie was when one of the repeat patients (Michael) came into the room, greeted Rand and asked how he was doing. Rand replied,"Just fine." Michael let out a whoop exclaiming that Rand could talk - he can talk compared to the last time he saw him in early December! Michael practically did cartwheels over Rand's progress! Then Cathy, one of the instructors, took me aside and said that she is astounded by the progress Rand has made in speech. She said that she's not an SLP, but she has worked with thousands of stroke patients and she can tell which ones will talk again and which ones probably won't. In her opinion, Rand is on the verge of talking again. Maybe he won't come all the way back, but he's going to be able to communicate in a way that makes sense to him and to us. That was so good to hear. That is actually the first positive news I've heard about his speech in a long, long time. Cathy reminded me that with a stroke, the leg comes back first, then the arm and last, the speech. Rand's leg is better than ever, his arm is now supporting his weight - can language be far behind? What a miracle that would be.
Tomorrow is another session - maybe with "something stronger" for Rand. Keep him close and think good thoughts for his continued progress.
Love,
Connie
BTW, there was a response to my question about grief, loss and being cold. A doctor friend weighed in with two observations: 1.) the older he gets the colder he gets! I prefer not to touch that one. 2.) yes, stress can effect the body that way, among others. So I guess I'll blame my chilliness on stress and let go at that.
The highlight of today was the start of Rand's "Recovery Function" therapy. He has two PT's, both from Santa Barbara and two OT's both from the Bay Area. Rand was able to do everything they asked of him with ease. At the end of the two hour session, once we got outside, Thuan began punching the air and whooping, "We passed the test! We passed the test!" When I asked him to explain, he said that he had anticipated what they would want Rand to be able to do next so he's been working on it like mad with him - and Rand sailed right through - he passed the test! Now Thuan is hoping that they will "give Rand something stronger" for the next two days. I was happy for Rand and Thuan, but even more pleased when Rand showed off the strength in his right arm. He supported himself on that hand/arm alone this afternoon with no trouble. He even has muscles again in that arm! Whoopie!
An even bigger whoopie was when one of the repeat patients (Michael) came into the room, greeted Rand and asked how he was doing. Rand replied,"Just fine." Michael let out a whoop exclaiming that Rand could talk - he can talk compared to the last time he saw him in early December! Michael practically did cartwheels over Rand's progress! Then Cathy, one of the instructors, took me aside and said that she is astounded by the progress Rand has made in speech. She said that she's not an SLP, but she has worked with thousands of stroke patients and she can tell which ones will talk again and which ones probably won't. In her opinion, Rand is on the verge of talking again. Maybe he won't come all the way back, but he's going to be able to communicate in a way that makes sense to him and to us. That was so good to hear. That is actually the first positive news I've heard about his speech in a long, long time. Cathy reminded me that with a stroke, the leg comes back first, then the arm and last, the speech. Rand's leg is better than ever, his arm is now supporting his weight - can language be far behind? What a miracle that would be.
Tomorrow is another session - maybe with "something stronger" for Rand. Keep him close and think good thoughts for his continued progress.
Love,
Connie
Monday, January 15, 2007
January 14, 2007 - Day 350
This morning we had frozen fountains again. " 'mazing" as Rand would say. I also found one last Christmas decoration that I had overlooked. Uff da.
Even more " 'mazing" is the fact that Rand walked 400 steps today!! WOW! Thuan was pleased as punch too.
This afternoon we gave Jerry a tour of Los Gatos and then walked around town a bit before having lunch at a nice restaurant. Rand did exceptionally well. Rand even agreed to go into Ace Hardware where he used to work. Much to my surprise, several of the staff remembered him and he got a warm welcome. He felt good about going to the store as he had been reluctant to do that.
All in all it was another good day. Jerry will be stopping by tomorrow afternoon for a final goodbye before he flies home on Tuesday. It has been a good visit. I'm so glad that Jerry came when he did.
Keep Rand close. He has a couple of days of rest and then PT and OT start again full bore on Friday with the special therapy sessions.
Love,
Connie
Two brothers imitating each other!
Even more " 'mazing" is the fact that Rand walked 400 steps today!! WOW! Thuan was pleased as punch too.
This afternoon we gave Jerry a tour of Los Gatos and then walked around town a bit before having lunch at a nice restaurant. Rand did exceptionally well. Rand even agreed to go into Ace Hardware where he used to work. Much to my surprise, several of the staff remembered him and he got a warm welcome. He felt good about going to the store as he had been reluctant to do that.
All in all it was another good day. Jerry will be stopping by tomorrow afternoon for a final goodbye before he flies home on Tuesday. It has been a good visit. I'm so glad that Jerry came when he did.
Keep Rand close. He has a couple of days of rest and then PT and OT start again full bore on Friday with the special therapy sessions.
Love,
Connie
Two brothers imitating each other!
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
January 10, 2007 - Singing with Rand
Singing with Rand: Randbo had another great day. The pictures below tell the story. He also spent some time with Jerry this morning. The fellow who is second from the right in the quartet is Bill Hanson, host to Jerry and the person responsible for bringing the quartet to Dawnview regularly. Hum "My Wild Irish Rose," and "America the Beautiful," as you view the photos. There wasn't a dry eye in the house during that song. All the residents lustily joined in and I heard it sung and hummed off and on all day! I'm so sorry that I missed the shot of Jerry holding Rand's right hand, through the straps and braces, during part of the singing. They were both harmonizing with the quartet at the time.
Keep Rand close.
Love,
Connie
The barbershop quartet harmonizing at Dawnview/Rand's Room
Randbo chimes in on "My Wild Irish Rose"
Straining to hear the pitch, hit the note and to hamomize
America the Beautiful
Rand and his brother Jerry, enjoying the music.
Keep Rand close.
Love,
Connie
The barbershop quartet harmonizing at Dawnview/Rand's Room
Randbo chimes in on "My Wild Irish Rose"
Straining to hear the pitch, hit the note and to hamomize
America the Beautiful
Rand and his brother Jerry, enjoying the music.
Friday, January 05, 2007
January 5, 2007 - Day 341
This was an interesting and inspirational day for Rand and me. It started with a chat with Jennie, the SLP, about Rand being so down after their last session, about "grading" himself on his speech performance. It turns out that she was still evaluating him and has discovered that he does better when he has the printed word in front of him. He can't really read, but somehow the printed word primes him, gives him a clue, provides another way of connecting with the spoken word. Last session, Jennie purposely eliminated all printed material including pictures, to see how he would do, what strategies he has to make sense of the world. Obviously, he was very frustrated. I explained that to him later and he seemed to understand and feel better. Interesting that he still remembered how he felt two days later. That is rare.
Later we took a trip to the barber shop and Jim, the barber, commented on how much life Rand's hair had. He kept commenting on how improved/alert Rand seemed and on the quality of his hair! Jim has been cutting Rand's hair for a long time, including in hospitals, nursing homes, his room, and recently in his shop, so he knows the changes in his hair over the last eleven months and for years before that. It was interesting to listen to his observations.
From there, we went to Vasona Creek Rehab Hospital to visit a friend who is staying there to get therapy following a knee replacement. Rand was at Vasona Creek for two months after his stroke and he was very, very sick. I drove Rand through the parking lot of Vasona last fall and he didn't remember anything about it. At that time it was such a trauma for Rand and a tough situation for me to get him in and out of the car, into and out of a wheelchair, that I didn't stop. Today, Rand got out of the car and into his wheelchair almost alone. We went to the second floor and he received a warm welcome from everyone. The nurses, the aides, therapists all remembered him by name, he hugged and kissed them all. We went into his old room and he remembered it. We strolled the halls, I talked to him about various incidents, visits, parties, and he started remembering all of it. I think he really, really remembered - he wasn't just being polite. He laughed, smiled, shook his head as the memories came back. We went to the big living room where our friend had played the piano and another friend "danced" Rand around the room in his wheelchair. He really, truly remembered. What a time that was - then and now!
We are still going through the long haul, but it was therapeutic for both of us, in different ways, to relive and remember times past. Rand has come so far, good friends. He has come so far that I am amazed. Just getting into and out of the car and wheelchair is no longer an issue. Rand does it. He needs guidance, support, coaching and reassurance but he basically handles his body on his own. When he was at Vasona, he had a high-backed wheelchair because his head and neck needed the support. Shoot - now he tools around in a modified sports/racing chair called a "Quickie!" Uff da!
I left Rand at his house at dinner time and then I went out with friends. That is always such fun and a wonderful break. All in all, this was a great, interesting day. It reaffirmed my thoughts that Rand really is making progress mentally as well as physically, that he is reconnecting with the world. As we approach the one year anniversary and I remember the predictions of the doctors almost a year ago, Rand has blown them all out of the water. Rand's sister sent me a statue of Wonder Woman - I think we need a corresponding statue of Super Man!
Keep Randbo close in your thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Connie
Later we took a trip to the barber shop and Jim, the barber, commented on how much life Rand's hair had. He kept commenting on how improved/alert Rand seemed and on the quality of his hair! Jim has been cutting Rand's hair for a long time, including in hospitals, nursing homes, his room, and recently in his shop, so he knows the changes in his hair over the last eleven months and for years before that. It was interesting to listen to his observations.
From there, we went to Vasona Creek Rehab Hospital to visit a friend who is staying there to get therapy following a knee replacement. Rand was at Vasona Creek for two months after his stroke and he was very, very sick. I drove Rand through the parking lot of Vasona last fall and he didn't remember anything about it. At that time it was such a trauma for Rand and a tough situation for me to get him in and out of the car, into and out of a wheelchair, that I didn't stop. Today, Rand got out of the car and into his wheelchair almost alone. We went to the second floor and he received a warm welcome from everyone. The nurses, the aides, therapists all remembered him by name, he hugged and kissed them all. We went into his old room and he remembered it. We strolled the halls, I talked to him about various incidents, visits, parties, and he started remembering all of it. I think he really, really remembered - he wasn't just being polite. He laughed, smiled, shook his head as the memories came back. We went to the big living room where our friend had played the piano and another friend "danced" Rand around the room in his wheelchair. He really, truly remembered. What a time that was - then and now!
We are still going through the long haul, but it was therapeutic for both of us, in different ways, to relive and remember times past. Rand has come so far, good friends. He has come so far that I am amazed. Just getting into and out of the car and wheelchair is no longer an issue. Rand does it. He needs guidance, support, coaching and reassurance but he basically handles his body on his own. When he was at Vasona, he had a high-backed wheelchair because his head and neck needed the support. Shoot - now he tools around in a modified sports/racing chair called a "Quickie!" Uff da!
I left Rand at his house at dinner time and then I went out with friends. That is always such fun and a wonderful break. All in all, this was a great, interesting day. It reaffirmed my thoughts that Rand really is making progress mentally as well as physically, that he is reconnecting with the world. As we approach the one year anniversary and I remember the predictions of the doctors almost a year ago, Rand has blown them all out of the water. Rand's sister sent me a statue of Wonder Woman - I think we need a corresponding statue of Super Man!
Keep Randbo close in your thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Connie
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Stroke Identification - S T R
STROKE: Remember The 1st Three Letters... S.T.R.
My friend sent this to me and encouraged me to post it and spread the word. I agree. If everyone can remember something this simple, we could save some folks. Please read:
STROKE IDENTIFICATION:
During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) and just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes. They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food - while she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening. Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00pm, Ingrid passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don't die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead. It only takes a minute to read this...
A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough. (Rand was in the hospital within 35 minutes but the effects could not be reversed. ce.)
RECOGNIZING A STROKE
Remember the "3" steps, STR . Read and Learn! Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.
Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:
S* Ask the individual to SMILE.
T * Ask the person to TALK to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently) (i.e . . . It is sunny out today).
R * Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS .
NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out their tongue. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other that is also an indication of a stroke. If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call 911 immediately!! and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.
A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to 10 people; you can bet that at least one life will be saved.
My friend sent this to me and encouraged me to post it and spread the word. I agree. If everyone can remember something this simple, we could save some folks. Please read:
STROKE IDENTIFICATION:
During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) and just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes. They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food - while she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening. Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00pm, Ingrid passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don't die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead. It only takes a minute to read this...
A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough. (Rand was in the hospital within 35 minutes but the effects could not be reversed. ce.)
RECOGNIZING A STROKE
Remember the "3" steps, STR . Read and Learn! Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.
Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:
S* Ask the individual to SMILE.
T * Ask the person to TALK to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently) (i.e . . . It is sunny out today).
R * Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS .
NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out their tongue. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other that is also an indication of a stroke. If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call 911 immediately!! and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.
A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to 10 people; you can bet that at least one life will be saved.
Monday, January 01, 2007
January 1, 2007 - Day 338
Happy New Year once again. 2007 has to be a stunning year - all things point to it.
Where to start in describing the last eight days - it is almost beyond me. The cruise was wonderful. I had such a great time. So much fun, so much relaxation, so much shopping, so much sightseeing, so many funny times, so much food. It was exceptional in all ways. The company was grand. Annie, Buzzie, Willie and Joanne took such good care of me and I returned home tonight rested and relaxed.
It was about 8:30 p.m. before I got home but I went to see Rand anyway. He was in bed asleep but I quietly woke him up and spent about 30 minutes with him. He was so surprised to see me. He knew I was gone and he missed me! He traced my face with his finger, smiled and kept saying. "Boy! Boy, oh, boy, oh boy!" He couldn't get or give enough hugs and kisses. He hung onto the collar of my jacket or my arm and didn't want to let go. He tried to say so many things, but the only thing I could understand was, "How was the cruise?" He really, really understood why I was gone. After many assurances that I would be back to spend lots of time with him tomorrow, he let go and I came home. What a welcome! I didn't know what to expect.
This trip was the best thing in the world for me. Thank you to everyone who encouraged me to go, not to cancel, who bouyed my doubting spirits on the long road to the airport on Dec. 24. I will admit that on the cruise, many hours went by when I didn't even think of Rand, the realities of life at home, what he would have enjoyed, what I wished he could have seen. I basically had eight days of carefree living and loved every minute! It was totally selfish time and I wallowed in all of it. I think that because I had periods of time when I was totally preoccupied, it is a sign that I am further along the road of acceptance than I thought. The road out of grief is long but I guess acceptance has to come first. Rand was so sweet tonight, so child-like. This was another "opplevelse" and a trial run for Rand and me. Both of us lived to tell about it!
Thank you for visiting Rand while I was gone and for keeping him close in your hearts and thoughts. You are the best things that ever happened to both of us!
Love,
Connie
Where to start in describing the last eight days - it is almost beyond me. The cruise was wonderful. I had such a great time. So much fun, so much relaxation, so much shopping, so much sightseeing, so many funny times, so much food. It was exceptional in all ways. The company was grand. Annie, Buzzie, Willie and Joanne took such good care of me and I returned home tonight rested and relaxed.
It was about 8:30 p.m. before I got home but I went to see Rand anyway. He was in bed asleep but I quietly woke him up and spent about 30 minutes with him. He was so surprised to see me. He knew I was gone and he missed me! He traced my face with his finger, smiled and kept saying. "Boy! Boy, oh, boy, oh boy!" He couldn't get or give enough hugs and kisses. He hung onto the collar of my jacket or my arm and didn't want to let go. He tried to say so many things, but the only thing I could understand was, "How was the cruise?" He really, really understood why I was gone. After many assurances that I would be back to spend lots of time with him tomorrow, he let go and I came home. What a welcome! I didn't know what to expect.
This trip was the best thing in the world for me. Thank you to everyone who encouraged me to go, not to cancel, who bouyed my doubting spirits on the long road to the airport on Dec. 24. I will admit that on the cruise, many hours went by when I didn't even think of Rand, the realities of life at home, what he would have enjoyed, what I wished he could have seen. I basically had eight days of carefree living and loved every minute! It was totally selfish time and I wallowed in all of it. I think that because I had periods of time when I was totally preoccupied, it is a sign that I am further along the road of acceptance than I thought. The road out of grief is long but I guess acceptance has to come first. Rand was so sweet tonight, so child-like. This was another "opplevelse" and a trial run for Rand and me. Both of us lived to tell about it!
Thank you for visiting Rand while I was gone and for keeping him close in your hearts and thoughts. You are the best things that ever happened to both of us!
Love,
Connie
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