The First Parting, the End of the Year

My suitcase is packed, my carry-on is ready, my 3 oz of liquid medication is in a zip-lock bag, the documents are organized in chronological order, my clothes for the morning are ironed and laid out, I'm physically ready to go. I have to have my feet on the floor and be upright at 5:30 a.m. I'm also mentally ready to go. Emotionally? Well, that's another hurdle that I was dealing with all day as I thought of leaving Rand. But I did it! Tonight I had a smiling, upbeat "goodnight-I'll-be-back soon" parting with Rand. He seems to understand that I will be gone and was sad. I left a string of red hearts for him to remember each day that I love him and will be back. Each one is numbered so he can grasp the time passage/concept.

It is 85 degrees and sunny in Acapulco and environs. Soaking up the sun, sleeping in a deck chair, actually reading a book, having nothing to do, having meals at any time, breakfast or a drink on our balcony - wow - am I ready! We will be celebrating Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and New Year's Eve at sea. How nifty is that? Photos will follow - just a couple, I promise! I plan to absorb and hang on to every single minute for future giggles, warmth and solace.

Obviously, this epistle will be on hiatus until January 2, 2007. I doubt if there will be any withdrawal pains for either of us - enjoy my silence while it lasts!

Rand and I wish you the very, very best of holiday seasons and a happy, healthy 2007. Thank you, once again, for being there for us in 2006. And thank you for having your arteries scanned! We can't afford to lose one of you!

Keep Rand close in your thoughts and prayers as this year ends and a new, better, stronger one begins.

Love,
Connie

December 21, 2006 - Day 340

Oh, how close we are getting to Day 365. Full circle. One year of astounding, " 'mazing" events, progress, set backs, life changes. I can't tell you how often I wondered if both of us would make it. Thirty-seven days left and counting.

I've also wondered how I would ever get through the Christmas season without Rand. A thousand times I came within inches of canceling out of this cruise. Last summer I changed our stateroom to one that was handicapped equipped so Rand could go with us. I looked into the cost of taking a full time care giver along. Then I thought I could take care of Rand myself. Finally, reality hit and I canceled Rand's reservation, reverted back to our original stateroom and decided to keep the commitment we had made to my sister and friends. Now I can't even imagine that I ever considered not going on this cruise. I am in such need of a change of scenery, of routine, in need of fun, laughter, good times, eating someone else's cooking (!!) for eight straight days, I can't tell you! The thought of sitting home Christmas Eve, trying to make Christmas Day fun and good for Rand is almost more than I can handle right now. In spite of all that, I still have mixed emotions about leaving him. I know, I know - he'll be fine. Maybe I will see progress in him when I return that I usually don't see because I am so close to him.

This afternoon we had a good long visit from our niece, Beth, her husband Eric and daughter Anya. It has been several years since we've been together so it was a good time. It is Eric's dad, Bill, who frequently brings his barber-shop quartet to sing at Rand's home. Anya (age 6) sang "Away In A Manger" for us and Rand chimed in a bit at the end. A grand afternoon.

For his birthday last February, I gave Rand a single disk cd player/radio that he could have by his hospital bed. What an unenlightened decision that was! He can no more handle cds than fly to the moon. He can no more deal with the buttons on a small cd player/radio than fly to the moon! Uff da. So today, his Christmas present was a speaker unit that holds our iPod and is operated by a remote. The iPod is programed with hundreds and hundreds of pieces of music so he can surf to his heart's content. The stereotype of guys and remotes must be true because Rand is still an expert with them! I set it up for him and he smiled from ear to ear as he operated the volume, the on/off switch, etc. I hope this will be more successful. Manny happily took the cd player and holders for cds.

Tomorrow is our big day - Rand opens the last of his Christmas presents while we have a quiet time together and then go to a friend's house to watch football, eat pizza, munch, sip, and enjoy the company of friends. I'm dreading saying good-bye to Rand tomorrow night. He won't be upset if I can stay in control, be happy and smiling when I leave him. Rand will have another rash of Christmas presents on Christmas Day and a special Christmas dinner and celebration at his home. You should see all the gifts under the beautiful tree! I doubt that the feast will include lutefisk and lefse!

I had a good session with Meg last night. She always helps me get a grip on reality and leads me to insights that have passed me by. Rand has little understanding of what is going on with Christmas, the significance, the rituals, the celebration. I'm the one knocking myself out to rekindle memories of Christmas's past, to continue the traditions - none of which mean anything to Rand this year. But now we are starting new traditions. In many ways, this is our first Christmas together. It is another time, it is starting over from scratch, we are both different people than we were a year ago. Our 43 year old traditions are now sweet memories and it is time to move on and start anew. It sounds good, uplifting, brave, clean and reverent, but MAN IS IT HARD TO DO!! And the new path is a slippery slope greased with many, many tears. A dear college friend called this morning and we had a good talk, shed a few tears, laughed and gave each other a long distance hug. It was good for the soul.

Keep Rand so very close this Christmas season. Being Rand's wife is the best job in the world!

Love,
Connie

MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

This is a huge holiday hug and thank you to you from both of us for all of the support, love, kindness and faith you have shown us since Rand's stroke eleven months ago. From those first days in the hospital to the months that have followed, your unfailing friendship has meant more to us than you will ever know. Your support has come in so many forms - your presence, cards, phone calls, food, emails, help around the house, advice, prayers, good thoughts, visits with Rand in countless nursing homes, hospitals, rehab centers and Rand's Room. You've encouraged us, cried with us, hugged, laughed and been happy with us. You've spent hours working with Rand to make him the best he can be. You've shared all the woes and whoopies with us, taught Rand to play games, to sing, to laugh, to remember and to forget. Each of you is precious to us. If it is true that you can count your blessings by the number of friends you have, then Rand and I are blessed beyond all imagining. Thank you, dear friends. Have a blessed holiday and a spectacular 2007!
Love,
Rand and Connie

December 9, 2006 - Day 317

Wheeeeee - what a day this has been! There was an Open House at Rand's home this afternoon so we tagged onto that and invited some friends to join us. There was enough food to feed a small army and I think everyone had a good time in spite of the rain. I've included some photos below. It was great to see everyone, to have so many friends together. Rand was pooped by the time everyone left. He'd also had more than enough wine and rich food! Everyone marveled at how good Rand looks. He tried talking, was very responsive and thoroughly enjoyed himself.

One handsome dude and "The Wife."


Geoff and Rand, otherwise known as "Frick and Frack."


Rand greeting friends on the front porch

Keep Rand close this holiday season.

Love,
Connie

December 5, 2006 - Day 313

Today was another quiet day. Rand had speech therapy this afternoon and struggled with comprehension. When shown pictures of familiar things (bed, chair, pillows) he couldn't identify them even with prompting. He was successful less than 40% of the time. He was frustrated with himself when told he was wrong. He tried so hard, but the correct responses just wouldn't come. There was one funny time, however. Like all speech therapists, this one wants to sing with Rand. He's always game to sing and we do it a lot in the car. Anyway, it turns out that this gal is one step (half a step??) away from being a complete monotone. With Rand's wonderful voice and keen sense of pitch, he was in agony! She tried to have him sing "Jingle Bells" with her and he sat silently. She asked me if anyone had ever sung with him before - what was wrong, why wouldn't he sing with her? Well, I suggested that maybe she should start the song a little higher. I'm not much of a vocalist either, but, by golly, I can carry a tune - so I started the song and Rand chimed in followed by her flat monotone. We got through the song and Rand turned, looked at me and said, "JEEZE!" I agreed! We got out of there before she decided on "Oh, Holy Night!"

On the way home I told Rand about a reception that I was attending this evening and asked if he minded driving by the location just to make sure I knew where I was going. He agreed and I started off. Now, we haven't been to this place in well over five years, yet Rand told me exactly where to turn and how to get there! It was several miles out of our way and he knew the route by heart. His brain never ceases to amaze me.

Manny worked with Rand on using the doorbell today. I sure hope Rand learns to use it.

Thanks for asking, but I think the mouse/rat has left the building! I set out the gooey traps for it/them but they haven't shown up since. Good riddance - I hope!

Keep Rand close.

Love,
Connie

December 3, 2006 - Day 311

There wasn't a dry eye in our little group at PT/OT today - except for Rand who shrugged it off. And "shrugged it off" is the key phrase. At least once a week since his stroke, therapists have asked him, showed him, tried to help him shrug his shoulder(s). In the first months he could not understand the directions, in the following months he was able to shrug his left shoulder, but today, after four days of intensive work on his right side, he shrugged BOTH shoulders!! He actually has developed some muscle tone and control in his shoulder/chest/back to allow him to do that. Mollie was holding his arm in the shoulder socket but he moved his shoulder by himself - again and again! Mollie and I were teary, Thuan was clapping and high-fiveing Rand, Aylann had her hands over her mouth in astonishment! The instructors came by to watch and they were whooping with delight! Rand was laughing and "shrugged it off!" Wheeeeeee!

Tomorrow is the last day of this special PT/OT class and I am so sorry to see it end. Rand has made so much progress during this short time. I talked with the instructors this afternoon and asked if Rand could participate in another session if/when one is held. A while later they came back and said that they want him in the class in January and again in February! Double Wheeeeeee! The classes will be in Los Gatos and Santa Cruz and I assured them that I'll get him there come hell or high water! They love having Rand as a subject because he is so cooperative, pleasant, fun, has great stamina, and is cute besides! Thuan has learned so much and is working very hard also. He takes notes in Vietnamese then during breaks in his night job, translates them into English and then gets them on the computer at home. He's as excited about the new classes as I am. Again, Rand shrugged it off as not a big deal. Whoooopie!

Tomorrow I'm bringing in a small Christmas tree for the table in front of the window in Rand's Room. I've selected ornaments that we collected on our travels and, after a review of them, Rand will decorate the tree - then there will be a quiz!

Keep Rand close. He's remarkable.

Love,
Connie

December 2, 2006 - Day 310

Today begins the eleventh month since Rand's stroke. I was heartened to hear from the wives at the special PT class that their husbands are now over one and two years out since their strokes and they are still making progress! I have been told repeatedly that the one year mark is also the time when progress starts slowing to a halt. Obviously, that ain't necessarily so.

Today Rand had his second session of the special therapy. Yesterday Rand stood up without assistance from anything, including his left hand/arm. Today he did that again and again. They worked hard on his right shoulder which is painful as his upper arm has separated from the socket. They held his arm and shoulder in place and had him reach for objects which stretched his abdominal and trunk muscles on both sides. The amazing part of the picture below is that he is doing just that with no pain as his right shoulder is being pushed back into the socket. Alin, PT from NY, is working his shoulder and Mollie, OT from AZ, is watching. After a few tries, Rand touched the glass - a major accomplishment. And obviously, he enjoyed it! They also worked a lot on putting weight on his right hand/arm and they finally got him to stand using that limb as the push off point. That was huge also! Thuan clapped when Rand did that - I think Thuan is more excited to see this progress than I am! He was bubbling all over on the way home, talking about what he has learned and what Rand can do and how he will reinforce that at home. Tomorrow, Alin and Mollie will have Rand walking with his cane.

Notice that Alin has her stocking foot on Rand's right hand. That hand wants to curl up and freeze into a fist. It is a constant battle to keep it open and flexible. This is one way to do it! These women are so flexible and nimble that it amazes me. Were we ever like that??

Keep Rand close in your hearts and prayers. He is doing remarkable things!

Love,
Connie